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May. 31st, 2008|11:47 am |
I'm really disturbed about all these priest scandals I keep reading about in the papers. From what I can tell, the average priest is having more sex than I am.
Wiley
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Frame a man for murder and the state will feed him every day for 25-to-life.
Bob Van Voris
Pressured by combat demands, the U.S. Military is recruiting an increasingly large number of convicted felons. But let's say you're one of the non-felon breed of soldiers. How do you know who you can trust?
The Top Signs a Soldier Has Spent Time in the Joint
- "What do you mean there aren't any conjugal visits?"
- Can make a shiv out of the spork in his MRE and a fairly drinkable vodka from the latrine water.
- Due to his misunderstanding of the word "screw," he spends every day either in the stockade or the hospital.
- Keeps asking when his lawyer is going to stop by.
- Even after being issued a survival knife, regulation sidearm and fully loaded M-16, he ducks into a bathroom stall and sharpens his toothbrush with a paranoid fervor.
- He seems absolutely giddy about owning legal weapons.
- Has managed to make it all the way through basic training without bending over.
- Digs the latrine right next to his cot.
- Breathes an audible sigh of relief when the word "fifty" follows his drill sergeant's command, "Drop and give me...."
- Keeps asking you to guess how many times he was on "COPS."
- He's the #1 sniper in the company with over 100 Taliban kills. And he's gotten them all while they were in the shower.
- Seems oddly relieved that the drill sergeant only wants to *kick* his ass.
- Sucks at marching because he can't remember how to walk without leg irons.
- You accidentally bump him from behind with the nose of your rifle, and now he thinks you're married.
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