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May. 12th, 2008|03:55 pm |
Student: "How long do you want this report to be?"
Teacher: "I would like you to think of this paper much like a lady`s dress - long enough to cover the subject, yet short enough to keep it interesting."
At the time of Indo-Pak war in 1971, Pakistan Air Force had just acquired the state of the art Sabre jet from US. The jet had some outstanding technical features which were being explained by a US instructor to some trainee Paksitani pilots. The US instructor explained the aircraft`s automatic take off, automatic maneuvring, automatic supersonic acceleration, automatic weapon loading and automatic firing.
Eventually, one Pakistani pilot asked, "Sir, How do we land this aircraft?"
The US instructor said, "Son, Leave that to the Indian Air Force."
There was an Englishman, an Indian and a Pakistani driving along, when they rolled the car and the three of them got killed. They went to Heaven and met St Peter at the Pearly Gates. They explained that they'd been killed and needed a place to stay.
St Peter replied, "I'd love to help you boys but we're full up after the holiday season. I'm afraid you'll have to go into Limbo till there's a vacancy."
The Englishman slipped St Pete £50 and asked if that'd make any difference.
St Peter said, "For that mate, you can go back to Earth."
By the time the Englishman got back, there were police everywhere and an ambulance. They all got a real shock when he sat up.
"What happened? You've been dead for half and hour," asked the ambulance driver.
He told them about St Peter and the £50, so the ambulance driver asked why the other two didn't come back.
"Well," says the Englishman, "the Indian is trying to bargain him down and the Pakistani reckons the government should pay for it!"
Paddy was the most intelligent man in Ireland. He was the president of the Irish branch of Mensa and he had won a million pounds on Who wants to be a Millionaire, and was Professor of astrophysics at the Paddy Institute of Technology.
One day, he was in the pub and his mates were telling him that he should appear on Mastermind, the quiz where the most intelligent men on the planet, show their superior brainpower. So he filled in the forms and sure enough was called up, and over to London he went to appear on the show.
The moment came when he was called up to the chair, to be questioned.
"Paddy, what is your specialist subject?"
"Irish History."
"Paddy your minute starts now. Who was the leader of the Irish Revolution?"
"Pass."
"In what year was the revolution?"
"Pass."
"How many men died during the Easter Revolution?"
"Pass."
"What was the name of the British informer who helped the rebels?"
"Pass."
All of a sudden his friend stood up in the audience and roared, "Good man Paddy, tell the fu**ing English nothing." |
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