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May. 9th, 2008|12:04 pm |
The Top New Warnings on DVDs
- Warning: May increase your desire to wear a mask and slaughter horny teenagers.
- Warning: This movie may contain bits and pieces of other movies.
- Warning: If you've seen the commercial for this movie, you've seen all the good parts.
- Warning: You may have seen this movie three years ago in Japanese.
- Caution: Contains athlete attempting to act.
- Warning: This film takes a beloved franchise and runs it into the ground.
- Warning: May give false hope of beauty queens falling in love with nerds.
- Warning: This movie once again revisits the fact that Bruce Willis is "too old for this sh*t!"
- Warning: Lack of plot and poor acting may cause drowsiness and irritability. If symptoms persist, consult your director.
A Belgian writer admitted she made up her best-selling memoir depicting how, as a Jewish child, she lived with a pack of wolves in the woods during the Holocaust. Misha Defonseca's book, "Misha: A Memoire of the Holocaust Years," was translated into 18 languages and made into a feature film in France.
The Top Tipoffs a Wartime Memoir Is Fake
- Brags that by the time her landmine-shattered legs grew back, she was three inches taller.
- "The stern Nazi guard replied, 'I hear nothing! I see nothing! I know nothing!'"
- "Midnight, day 47 of the battle. Pinned down in my foxhole by machine gun fire, the bursting enemy artillery overhead affording me light enough to pen my 'final' letter home. I was convinced I'd never make it out of this hell hole called Grenada."
- The author claims to have "slam dunk" evidence that Iran was supplying weapons to the Nazi's.
- Claims the Iraqis greeted them as liberators!
- The night of the devastating battle, when the author and his trenchmates spent all night pondering, "If this is World War *I*, what the heck are the *sequels* going to be like?"
- Surviving for two months eating human flesh is one thing, but *your own*?!?
- Setting aside the hot threesome for a minute, when did U-boats get saunas?
- "Christmas '68. Our mission: Smuggle CIA operatives across the border. At night. You could cut the tension with a bayonet. No one said a word as the young Texan, Lieutenant George W. Bush expertly guided our swift boat up the Cambodian river...."
- The climax of the memoir is Sir Lucas Cloudstrider's destruction of Hitler's Death Star.
- It's Herr *Goebbels*, not Herr Gerbils!
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