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May. 6th, 2008|11:22 am |
"Whores" and "horse" may sound alike, but bring the wrong one to the kiddie birthday party and poof, all the neighbors suddenly hate you.
Jill Gallagher
The next time you curse the fact that it's Monday, just think of it as proof that you made it through another weekend without killing yourself by doing something stupid.
Phil Garding
The Top Differences If the Internet Really Was a Series of Tubes
- Alaska considered to be a hub of technology development.
- Euphemism for losing your Internet connection: "Having your tubes tied."
- Upgrading to broadband requires a backhoe and a union welder.
- DDoS attacks involve flushing several cherry bombs simultaneously.
- Connection speed measured in kgps (thousand gallons per second).
- Every few hours another stray hamster finds its way to your inbox.
The Top 9 Uses for Human-Powered Electrical Generators
- Additional power for my taser while out exercising at night.
- A "break even on the calories" Krispy Kreme donut machine.
- Auto-erotic electrocution.
- Human Powered Generator Entertainment Center = Portable Wii!
- You walk a little bit, your pants walk a little bit. You walk a little bit, your pants walk a little bit.
- Paris Hilton can supply all the camera power for her next sex tape, while she's taping it.
- Self-powered electro-shock therapy.
- Recharge the Segway's batteries.
The Top 9 Signs You Are Not Cut Out to Be a Horror Writer
- Whenever you write something even remotely creepy, you soil yourself.
- Every time you write a scene where one of your characters dies, you make your family and friends attend the funeral.
- The mysterious new neighbor moving in next door to the narrator is named Chainsaw McBloodbath.
- You haven't really explained to the readers why co-eds on a camping trip would need a sinister-looking butler to begin with.
- Whenever you try to write a dark, scary scene, it comes out in iambic pentameter.
- When you kill someone off in your book, you sob uncontrollably till your 3-year-old comforts you.
- In the movie version, all villains are played by Muppets.
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