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Apr. 4th, 2008|12:16 pm |
The Top Signs You Need to Improve the Quality of Your Sex Partners
- His idea of "dinner and a show" is grabbing a bag of pork rinds at 7-Eleven and watching the TVs in Wal-Mart.
- After sex, all she wants to do is cuddle -- with your *other* blow-up doll.
- Not only has he NOT found your G-spot, he keeps trying to poke you in your A-hole.
- He politely asks, "Was it as good for you as it was for me?" -- and you weren't even aware *it* had started yet.
- The way her large Adam's Apple keeps twitching makes you lose your concentration.
- His ideas for new positions invariably revolve around not missing any of the baseball game on TV.
- Sure, he's hung like a horse -- a seahorse.
- The only satisfying love-making session you've had was the time she had the hiccups.
- He falls asleep PRE-coital.
- He thanks you and falls asleep while you're taking off your bra.
- Her favorite position is the missionary position. In Africa.
- It was kinda kinky when he asked if he could tie you up, but got downright bizarre when he put you on the railroad tracks.
- Keeping her leashed in the bedroom was hot, but having to keep her leashed for walks around the neighborhood twice a day was too much.
- Like everything else made in China, the paint is coming off her erogenous zones.
- Most people call it "making love," but the State Penitentiary calls it "conjugal visits."
- She keeps deflating after scraping against your zipper.
- The sex started bad, but actually got better as you went along -- probably because her mother was right there offering advice.
- You used to wake up to an extra $50 on the night table; now you're lucky if your jewelry is still there.
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