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Mar. 17th, 2008|12:06 pm |
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.
Les Brown
My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.
Charles Kettering
Parents forgive their children least readily for the faults they themselves instilled in them.
Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity In The Workplace
- Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)
- Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point, Sparky.” “No I’m sorry I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi.”
- Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you’re doing. e.g. “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”
- Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
- Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document.
- Arrive at a meeting late, say you’re sorry, but you didn’t have time for lunch, and you’re going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.
- Insist that your e-mail address be: “zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com
- Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
- Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company’s products. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
- Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
- Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
- Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc… in the lunchroom, when people complain that there was none… Just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, “Oh you’ve got to be faster than that.”
- Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
- Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
- If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
- When driving colleagues around insist on keeping your car wind- shield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep ‘em tuned up.”
- Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think.”
- Practice making fax and modem noises.
- Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy.”
- Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
- Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
- Staple papers in the middle of the page.
- Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
- Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: “Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
- Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin.
- Ask people what gender they are.
- Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles” |
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