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Dec. 3rd, 2007|10:46 am |
So why does the wind always stop blowing whenever *I* fart?
Shandooga
The best thing about public Jacuzzis is that you can contribute your own bubbles and no one knows why you're smiling.
Phil Garding
"The Call of Cthulhu" was one of H. P. Lovecraft's best-known short stories, first published in "Weird Tales," February 1928. Less well known is that in original rough draft of the story, Cthulhu's call wisely went unanswered, thanks to prudent use of caller ID and answering machine technology.
The Top Messages From the Missed Call of Cthulhu
- "Pick up ... *Pick* *Up* ... PICK UP NOW OR I WILL EAT YOUR FACE OFF!!! ... (Sigh) ... Fine, then. Call me back."
- "Hey Azazoth, Yog-Sothoth had to pass on the card game, so we're going to meet at Dagon's place."
- "Hi this is Cthulhu... Man, I hate these things. Make a note: when I destroy the world, the damn answering machines go first..."
- "Hello Arkham House? Big C here. We need to talk about this little copyright issue. Please have a survivor call me."
- "Hello friend. This is Cthulhu. I'm calling on behalf of the Humans for R'yleh League. We're having our annual dinner and I was wondering if you'd be interested in being a guest? Let me know if you're interested, and how well you go with Hoisin sauce."
- "Sorry I missed you. I just wanted to let you know you mispronounced a word in that incantation and now I'm obligated to rend you asunder. Best to the wife, talk to you later."
- "Hi, it's Cthulhu. You never summoned me, and I was wondering if we're still going to get together and usher in the end of time. Let me know. Bye."
The Top Signs It's a Porn Actor's First Day
- Pulls a groin muscle during the missionary position scene.
- Inadvertently blurts out, "I love you!" during the money shot.
- When his co-star shows up wearing a strap-on, he ask if they're going to play ring toss.
- Two words: farmer's tan.
- "Gee, Ms. Hilton, I sure didn't expect to meet *you* here!"
- She stops the gangbang to ask, "Other than being uncontrollably horny, what's my motivation in this scene?
- "Is it too much to ask that we do at least one scene where we just cuddle?"
- Thinks Ron Jeremy is an actual pool cleaner
- "Orgasma Plenty? I can't believe that's your real name!"
- "Okay, I'll try it -- but what makes you think people want to see a girl kissing another *girl*?"
- She shows up on the set wearing granny panties.
- Thinks it's lunchtime when the pizza delivery guy arrives.
- "Can we re-shoot this scene? I accidentally used a Northern London accent instead of a Southern London accent for my last line, and I'd hate for the audience to get distracted by such an obvious mistake and totally lose focus on the plot."
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