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Nov. 15th, 2007|07:50 am |
I used to think horoscopes were a bunch of crap, until I found a magazine that predicted with uncanny accuracy every single thing I was going to be doing during the following week. Pretty impressive, no? Seriously, you ought to try this "TV Guide" yourself.
Anthony Myers
Anyone who denies having been stupid as a kid is either still a kid or still stupid.
Marko Peric
The Illinois State Legislature recently passed a bill mandating a "moment of reflection" in public schools at the beginning of each day. The bill's sponsor said he hoped the quiet time would help students calm down and think about their plans. Sure, Mr. Politician. THAT'S what they'll be thinking about.
The Top Silent Reflections of High School Students
- "Wow, Mrs. Brown sure has a nice rack. Come to think of it, Mr. Smith isn't half bad, either."
- "Hey, I wonder if that blond cheerleader that heals fast on 'Heroes' loses her virginity, will it grow back?"
- " " (cheerleaders only)
- "Hold this fart in for just another minute, ho-o-o-old it..."
- "I think this Kevlar is giving me a rash."
- "If the shots come from behind me, I can duck and roll toward the window. If they come from the front, I bolt for the door."
- "Lollipop, lollipop, oh lolli, lollipop. Lollipop, lollipop, oh lolli lollipop. (Pop) Boom, boom, boom, boom..."
- "Look at the ass on that chick. I wonder if she'd be impressed if I shot her algebra teacher."
- "Shit, I forgot to write my English essay! OK, title: 'A Lot of What Ought to be Thought Is Not.' Content: none."
- "Whoa! If I cross my eyes it looks like *two* giant zits on my nose!"
- "Man, that chick is hot, but her skirt is much too short... Oh, my God! Mom?!?!?"
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