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Feb. 2nd, 2006|10:12 pm |
Whenever my girlfriend asks me if her dress makes her ass look fat, I reassure her, "No, honey, just the opposite: It's your *ass* that makes the *dress* look fat."
(Kim Moser)
I'm sick and tired of people with "normal" jobs thinking I'm lazy because I'm self-employed. Sure, watching cartoons all day is pretty easy, but hitting your parents up for cash every couple of weeks can be mentally and physically exhausting.
(Donald Junter)
The Top Everyday Activities That *Should* Be Olympic Events
Appease the Psycho Boss Backstroke
Speed Sleeping
Greco-Roman Grocery Cart Wrestling
Downhill Lawn Mowing
Child-Raising Marathon
Four-Daughter Bathroom Relay
Tax Figure Skating
Two-Parent Child Custody Relay
The You Shouldn't Have/It Was My Pleasure Sincerity Exhibition
The Why Do They Put the Small Sizes on the Top Shelf? High Jump
Ringing Cordless Phone Three-Room Steeplechase
Fifty-yard Departing Bus Dash
Public Transportation Standing Balance Event
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