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Sep. 21st, 2007|08:01 am |
The Top Signs Your Wedding Day Isn't Going Well
- Writing your wedding vows in Klingon seemed like such a cool idea at the bachelor party.
- During the toast, when the bride's father refers to his daughter as "pure and virtuous," you laugh and blow champagne out your nose.
- Sure, it rains at some outdoor weddings, but hellfire and brimstone?
- The bride figurine atop the wedding cake? A fluffy white sheep. Your pissed-off bride? A goat.
- The ring bearer keeps dropping the bride's glass eye.
- Your wedding planner convinced you to forgo a traditional reception in favor of a more contemporary "flash-mob reception."
- Traditional wedding: rice. Your wedding: scorpions.
- As soon as your vows are complete, Anna Nicole "accidentally" kicks over your ventilator.
- Your bride keeps on telling you that it's unlucky to see her *after* the wedding.
- . You can't get the ceremony started because the altar keeps bursting into flames whenever your fiancee approaches it.
- Mid-ceremony, the priest whips out a chicken foot and begins to sprinkle yak urine on the bride.
- "Do you, CuteBabe19, take BigGuy23-- damn, the server's down again!"
- One hour before the big "I do," you realize there's a bridesmaid you haven't nailed.
- You're forced to exchange vows from separate rooms because of that week-old restraining order.
- Even though he's sitting in the front row, you still don't remember the Grim Reaper being on the guest list.
- Your bride enthusiastically shouts, "I do!" Unfortunately, it's when the priest asks if anyone objects to the marriage.
- The ceremony starts in 20 minutes and you're still fighting over who gets to wear the dress.
- "Something blue" is Grandma. Better call 911.
- After greeting your bride by name, the honeymoon hotel clerk asks if she wants the room for the whole night this time.
- Something old? Check.
Something new? Check.
Something borrowed? Check.
Something blew? Chuck, the best man.
- The groom refuses to put on the ring on your finger, saying, "Not the Preciousssss!"
- Saying your vows extemporaneously was going great until you drew a blank on a rhyme for "clitoris."
- You can't seem to find your tuxedo pants. But even if you could, the wedding is in Nebraska and you're handcuffed to a dominatrix in Singapore.
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