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Sep. 8th, 2007|12:13 pm

khehe
One of these days I'm going to work up the courage to look my wife straight in the eye and ask, "What happened to your other eye?"
The Covert Comic

I remember where I was when I heard about the Princess Diana tragedy a decade ago. Oddly enough, it was the same exact place I was when I heard about the Challenger explosion, Nixon resigning, Kennedy's assassination and the first moon walk -- in front of the TV.
Douglas Frank

I've decided it's time for me to get a dog. Not because I really want a pet, but rather because I'm tired of going to jail for leaving "presents" on the lawns of people I don't like.
Shane M. Anthony

The Top 10 Swimming Pool Pickup Lines

- "I noticed you thrashing around. Would you like to hold onto my floaties?"
- "You do know how to inflate your raft, don't you? Just put your lips together and blow."
- "I'm worried about you getting a sunburn. How about I cover you with my body?"
- "Don't save me! Let me go down three times."
- "Wanna go back to my place and do something about that shrinkage?"
- "Come on, I'm a wealthy neglected housewife, you're a pool boy. It's practically required by law that you do me."
- "Sorry, babe, did I make you all wet?"
- "Now how'd you manage to fit that great big thing into that little ol' Speedo?"
- "Wanna join the 9-foot-deep-end-of-the-pool club?"
- "If everybody here accidentally drowned, the first bloated corpse I'd pull out would be yours, sweetheart."


The Top 15 Differences at a Russian Starbucks, Part II

- Your barista blends the drinks by placing the cup on his head and doing a Cossack kick-dance.
- Add-in bar includes sugar, nutmeg, cinnamon and antifreeze.
- Baristas who spill too much coffee get sent to the Starbucks in Siberia.
- "Try our Chai-coffee-ski with a delicious Rasputinberry muffin!"
- It's spelled Tsarbucks, comrade!
- "You want Borscht Latte with or without boiled potato?"
- Just like Russian mail-order brides, the coffee is hot and steamy until purchase then cold and bitter afterward.
- Music played is restricted to John Lennon and Richard Marx.
- Your pastry options: cabbage scones, turnip muffins and an oddly shaped thing called "Chernobyl Biskotti."
- Cup sizes range from "Lenin" to "Stalin" to "Yeltsin".
- Even after you've had five Absolut Frappuccinos, Olga's still an absolute barker.
- For that extra kick, you can get your Macchiato with a spritz of Polonium 210.

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