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Jan. 18th, 2006|11:47 pm |
The Top Signs Your Date Is Older Than You Think
He offers to pay for dinner, but the restaurant refuses to accept Confederate money.
You're halfway to second base when you discover her girlish figure is due to a whalebone corset.
She wasn't named for the character in the Jane Austen book... the character was named for her.
"Why, I remember way back when the Democrats were in control...."
Dorian bears an amazing resemblance to his great-grandfather's portrait mounted on the wall.
When you ask him if he remembers the Beatles, he says "Yes, they came between the locust and frog plagues."
Much to your disappointment, her idea of "oral action" is to discuss some of the great cases she heard before retiring from the Supreme Court.
While most men only act like Neanderthals, his sloping forehead makes you wonder.
Begins every sentence with "My doctor said...."
Brags of getting it regularly. By "it," he means a bowel movement.
He's right: If you look close enough, he *is* in the background of DaVinci's "Last Supper."
Thinks iPods grow iPeas.
While bragging about being at the "Lord of the Rings" premieres, you realize she is not talking about the movies.
The Top 5 Ways to Impress Potential Clients
Bite the head off a live bat.
Take them on a tour of your spammer torture chambers.
Write out price quotes. In blood.
Offer fresh "donated" kidneys from any colleague.
Entire office works in the lotus position.
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I bet the first hockey game was played with an animal turd used as a primitive puck. I also bet someone invented the goalie mask by the end of the first period.
(Donald Junter)
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