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Aug. 3rd, 2007|12:58 pm |
The Top Indications an Astronaut Is Drunk
- Keeps trying to sneak an ice chest into the payload bay.
- His Tang has a lime in it and salt on the rim.
- Too busy doing donuts in the lunar rover to realize that his oxygen tank is empty.
- When asked to stand on one foot, he instead elects to stand on *no* feet.
- He's under the rocket shouting "Where's the damn fuse?!"
- Wrapped the lunar rover around a tree. On the *moon*.
- Breaks down weeping in the middle of his countdown, lamenting how no one has ever driven cross-country in an adult diaper for *him*.
- Pees inside his spacesuit -- after taking it off and hanging it up.
- He just called one of the mission control engineers "Sugar Tits."
- When NASA turns on the video link to the space shuttle, there he is, floating shirtless and trying to eat a hamburger off the ceiling.
- "Houston, I love you, man!"
- Wakes up with "EJECT ME" written on his face in black magic marker.
- Gets her hair caught in the suction toilet.
- Wants to play Quarters to see who gets the window seat.
- Shows up wearing his flight helmet, a silver lame' top and Richard Simmons short-shorts.
- "Open the Bud keg doors, Hal."
- As the shuttle makes its final landing approach, southern Florida is peppered with empty Jim Beam bottles.
- Swerves across the meridian and runs head-on into a comet.
- At T-minus 30 seconds he shouts, "WAIT! I think I left my oven on."
- Keeps giggling and asking, "Hey, Houston, when do we get to Uranus?"
- Returning from a space walk, he can't remember where he parked the shuttle.
- "Who the hell is Roger?"
- "A million billion stars in the sky, a million billion stars. You take one down and pass it around; nine-hundred and ninety-nine thousand nine... hundred... crap. Guys, I gotta start over."
- "Prepare to dock -- at the Waffle House!"
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