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Mar. 23rd, 2007|09:51 am |
The Top Signs You're a Victim of Identity Theft
- Your mother no longer complains that you never write or call.
- Every week, boxes of vials and syringes show up at your doorstep -- and you're neither a doctor nor a professional athlete.
- All this spam *must* be for some unknown small-penised imposter.
- Scruffy male prostitutes approach you and you wife in the church parking lot, talking gibberish about "backdoor confessionals" and your "meth tab." Of *course* someone stole your identity -- you're a PREAC
- Your savings: gone.
Your credit cards: maxed.
Your credit score: 11.
But based their sales records, you're the Customer of the Year at Robot Babes 'R' Us.
- Someone seems to have jeopardized your '08 presidential chances by stealing your "Senator from New York" ID and voting to authorize the war on Iraq.
- Three doctors show up at your house to collect the organs you promised to donate when you died.
- Your Amex card disappeared last week, and now your son's sleepover friend is the only kid in elementary school who owns a Lamborghini and a condo in Maui.
- After you make love to your wife, she says she prefers the other you.
- A faxed copy of your credit report kills so many trees that Al Gore comes to your office and slaps you silly.
- "Dear Ms. Hilton, thank you for your recent purchase of 'Rocket Science for Virgins....'"
- That $400 billion the Pentagon has spent on the war in Iraq just showed up on your VISA statement.
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