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[Mar. 23rd, 2010|08:20 am] |
My bracelet says "WWED", because when faced with life's big decisions, I ask myself, "What would Elvis do?" Of course, I always come up with the same answer: Have a fried peanut-butter-and-banana sandwich, pop a few Valium, shag the babe, hit the sack. But hey, that works for me, too.
If you turn the phone volume to max and put the receiver down your pants, telemarketers are more fun than you'd think.
The Top Signs Your Plastic Surgeon Is Unlicensed
- Starts his pre-op consultation with "You're not a cop, are you?"
- His liposuction equipment is a hole punch and a crazy straw.
- "Of course, if you opt for the more expensive *helium* breast implants, you'll also lose up to 10 pounds!"
- His penis-enlargement technique? Slapping it around until it gets swollen.
- You asked for a "Kardashian ass"; now you resemble Bruce Jenner.
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