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[Nov. 14th, 2007|07:44 am] |
Боль можно остановить, если рассказать следователю всю правду.
Лингвошокирующая фраза на французском: "же пердю мон **у" (я потерял свою сову).
Мы все летим туда, откуда родились.
Семья Морозовых подала в ЗАГС сразу два заявления... Заявление на развод подала жена, возвратившись из санатория. Заявление о смене имени своему 8-летниму сыну с Вовы на Павлика - подал муж.
( ... tālāk ... ) |
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[Nov. 14th, 2007|08:06 am] |
I got a mixed review on my performance evaluation for my job as a bodyguard/census taker. I scored high marks for "kicking ass," but my boss said I need to improve at "taking names."
Chuck Sawyer
I used to have trouble choking down the pills I have to take for controlling my cholesterol, but it's a lot easier now that I wrap them in bacon.
Brad Simanek
No TopFive.com |
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[Nov. 14th, 2007|08:09 am] |
A new Georgia Tech study says some Roomba owners become emotionally attached to the robotic vacuum. Some have named them, dressed them -— even introduced them to parents. ("Honey, we really need to have a talk about your new boyfriend. He... well, he sucks.")
The Top Signs You've Become Too Involved With an Appliance
- You keep the microwave's clock set to the exact hour and minute you first spotted it in the Best Buy Scratch 'n' Dent section.
- Your refrigerator is wearing a tiger-print thong and assless chaps.
- Every time you walk by your fax machine, it spits out another copy of the restraining order telling you to stay 500 feet away.
- You saved a lock of its first carpet lint in a scrapbook.
- The Radio Shack guys start stacking up the boxes of D-cells as soon as you pull up outside.
- "Do you, Frank, take serial #57-44521RV, to have and to hold..."
- Sure, some people throw a toaster in the tub when it's plugged in, but *you* leave it unplugged so it can safely enjoy the scent of the lavender bubble beads you bought it.
- When the UPS guy brought it to your house, you videotaped the delivery.
- It's stored in a velvet-lined cabinet that's rigged to play Ravel's "Bolero" whenever the door is opened.
- Look, it's really quite simple: You're too involved if you put something of yours inside it or vice-versa. Are we clear?
No TopFive.com |
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