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Feb. 11th, 2011|10:54 am |
The Top Tweets From Historical Figures
- Jesus Christ: "WTH? thought me and judas wuz kewl. peace out. BBS"
- Nero: "Anyone up for some Fiddle Hero? Fire Marshall Claudius not answering my texts!"
- Abraham Lincoln: "I just became the mayor of Ford's Theatre on Foursquare!"
- General George Custer: "where all the indians at? there aint nobody h-- F@@K!"
- Orville Wright: "hey @bro seatcushN = flot8tion device ;-)"
- George Washington: "Crossing Delaware. Ugh. They made me stand near the front in case I barf."
- Joan of Arc: "Going out for stake (sp?). BRB"
- Abraham Lincoln: "This play sux, im so bored. someone pls shoot me"
In February, IBM's Watson supercomputer will challenge Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter in a "Jeopardy!" tournament.
The Top Surprises During Jeopardy's IBM Supercomputer Challenge
- At one point, Watson goes into an infinite loop and keeps repeating, "Bieber...Bieber...Bieber..." until rebooted.
- Watson decides it's easier to just hack the scoring software and add some points.
- In a lame attempt at humor, Watson's answer to every question is "42."
- Watson is winning right into Final Jeopardy when Ken Jennings "accidentally" kicks out the plug.
- Each time Watson is wrong, one of the IBM engineers receives a 10,000 volt shock.
- Watson's winning strategy is to randomly answer all pop culture questions with names of Jersey Shore cast members and Pokemon characters.
- "'I Can Haz Cheezburger' for one hundred, Alex."
- "What is SELECT * From Tbl_GoogleIndex?"
The start of filming for “The Hobbit” has been delayed because director Peter Jackson (“Lord of the Rings”) had surgery for an ulcer.
The Top Real Reasons for Delaying Production of “The Hobbit”
- The Precious? Out for cleaning.
- Film crews still shoveling sheep poop out of the shire.
- Leonard Nimoy wants his rendition of "Bilbo Baggins" to be the song for the opening credits.
- Still too much pirate in Orlando Bloom's elf.
- Peter Jackson hasn't been able to get J.R.R. Tolkien to answer his calls.
- Robin Williams signed on as Orc from Ork and keeps interrupting the filming with spontaneous ad libs.
- The giant cream cheese coffee cake turned out to be the one tea ring to bind them.
The Top Ways a Big Penis Is Like an Expensive Car
- Park it carefully. You'll be sorry if you bend it.
- Flashing it at your neighbor's wife is a given.
- If it's *too* big, it costs more to get it serviced.
- Just so you ladies know, they both go WAY TOO FAST.
- Both detract from your facial deformities.
- Not as many women as you thought are attracted by it. Plenty of men ogle, though. PLENTY. OF. MEN.
- As usual, it was a gift from your parents, but Mom did all the shopping.
- Both are repulsive to everyone at Lilith Fair.
- Both burn rubber with expensive results.
The Top Things Overheard at Wikipedia's 10th Birthday
- "Jimmy Wales? He's just a stub."
- "What's a nice entry like you being edited by a guy like that?"
- "Don't tell anybody, but Wikipedia is really 13 years old. Jimbo just keeps 'fixing' the number when somebody edits it."
- "I swear, the next time somebody else says 'citation needed' after a toast, I'm outta here."
- "This party does not meet quality standards for festivities."
- "After a few drinks, I might be flagged as inappropriate."
- "I'd accept your date request but your bio sounds like it was written as a promotion and needs edited to be more factual."
- "Of course it's true! According to Wikipedia, Wikipedia is ten years old!"
- "The guys from Wikileaks already told me what my present is going to be."
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