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Jan. 7th, 2011|08:02 pm |
If aliens ever come to earth, and you're the first person they see, just say, 'Okjulz.' I have a feeling it means something.
(Adam D. Ashe)
Last night I did manly things. First I did a load of manly white things, then I did a load of manly colored things, then I folded them.
(James Knowles)
How come we waste all that money on stealth bombers? Sure, they appear invisible on the radar screen, but don't you think our enemies might get just a little suspicious of two guys sitting in the air about 30,000 feet up?
(Fanny Bright)
One thing I hate about drinking is that it brings all the snakes out in your yard. But whatever you do, don't chop those things up -- your electricity will go off.
(Jerry L. Embry)
Some people call me the Space Cowboy. Some call me the Gangster of Love. Some people call me the Sheep Molester. That last one, to be perfectly honest, I have mixed emotions about.
(Chris MacEachen)
I don't know the right response for when my wife shows me her new hairdo, but so far I've ruled out "What on earth happened?" and "Is it windy out?"
(Scott E. Frank / @ScottF69)
It isn't a midlife crisis if it kills you instantly.
(The Covert Comic)
I cried because I had no sex, until I met a cheap hooker. Problem solved, right? Wrong! Bitch stole my shoes!
(Tim H. Richweis) |
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