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Sep. 1st, 2010|09:52 am |
After many years of marriage, I finally realized that I *already* have a trophy wife. Unfortunately, it's a third-place trophy.
To me, the fascinating thing about the "infinite monkeys on infinite typewriters" thing is that, like the majority of human writers, mostly what they'd produce is dung.
A 60-mile long traffic jam in China has entered its third week with no end in sight. Cars and trucks have been slowed to a crawl since August 14 on the National Expressway 110. Officials expect no relief until mid-September. Motorists are playing card games or chess to pass the time and local residents have set up kiosks for the drivers, charging 4 or 5 times the normal price for instant noodles and other food and drink.
The Top Things Overheard in a 60-mile Traffic Jam
- "The radio says that squeegee guy who worked our windshields last week just bought Google."
- "Turn... left... in... three... days."
- "Y'know, mooning the couple in the next car just isn't as funny as it was last week."
- "Pardon me, do you have any unexpired Grey Poupon?"
- "Transplant be damned. This donor kidney is starting to sound pretty delicious about now."
Laser silicon microrings can transmit one or two orders-of-magnitude beyond WiFi.
The Top 9 Unintended Consequences of Gigahertz-Range Devices Throughout Your Home
- Constant monitoring of food consumption, trash accumulation, and toilet lid position leads to jealous significant others.
- Your thoughts now broadcast directly to your Facebook page, real time.
- No one is buying them as peta-hertz devices are due to be released any day now.
- The network is jammed up with frivolous traffic like the toaster e=mailing the refrigerator bread porn.
- Your refrigerator alerts the IRS about the money you have in the freezer.
- The freezer won't let you get any ice cream until the treadmill says it's OK.
- Forget putting lunch in the microwave. Just set it on top of the router for a minute.
- Whining about the old days when all we had were kilohertz-range devices. In the snow.
- Each Kleenex will have a unique IP address.
The Top Reasons Your Online Dating Profile Isn't Working
- You posted your profile on GeoCities.
- Your ad titled "Hot GeekGirl Coder in Bikini Seeks GamerGuy" overloaded the server with seven billion hits in one hour.
- Those e-mails indicating "Your account has been blocked!" aren't spam. They're from the other members of match.com.
- It's a bit of a turn-off when your status has been showing as online" 24 hours a day for the last 4 weeks.
- You really shouldn't describe your case mods as "erotic."
- They want 29 dimensions. You've got 29 dementias.
- Your spell-check changed "house wired with CAT-5" to "house with 5 wired cats."
- It's cool that you're into retro tech, but you're not doing yourself any favors by using the handle "3.5inch_floppy_guy."
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