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Jun. 9th, 2010|08:46 am |
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my... okay, anyone seen my list of lost stuff?
Proposal for resolving the "paper defeats rock" controversy: Eliminate paper, rock and scissors altogether, and replace them with the following more realistic hierarchy: intercontinental ballistic missile -– pellet gun -– mouse chewing on power cord.
The Top Unedited Famous Movie Quotes
- "I love the smell of napalm in the morning. (And pancakes, I really love the smell of pancakes in the morning, too. Pancakes more, I think. Mmmmmm.)"
- "Go ahead, make my day. (Bake me a cake. Sing me songs, buy me little gifts. Have some s)punk."
- "(When you) use the (toilet,) force (yourself), Luke. (Put the seat down!)"
- "Snakes, why'd it have to be snakes? (Why couldn't it be puppies? Poodle puppies, I love those. They're so fluffy and huggable.)"
- "If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. (Maybe not the day after that, or maybe not even the day after that, but by next Tuesday, I'll bet.) But some day."
- "Leave the (car in gear,) gun (the engine and) take the (recipe for) cannoli (to my sister)."
- "The first rule of Fight Club is: Don't talk about (the homoerotic undertones of) Fight Club."
- "Rosebud... (my sled. Where's my sled named Rosebud? You know, the one that I played with as a child in front of my mother's boarding house. Before I got all that money from the copper mine?)"
- "Luke, I am (not going to pay a lot for this muffler like) your father!"
The Top Signs You Might Be a Netneck
- Your "sunburn" has the same pattern as your computer's screensaver.
- Your favorite type of racing? NASACAR.
- Your bumper sticker says: Gone Phishin'
- You have one functioning PC in your house and four broken ones on your front lawn.
- You once roasted roadkill over an overclocked CPU.
- Your cell phone has a Bluetoothless headset.
- You confuse "Yahoo!" with "Yee-Haw!"
The Top Zen Law Phrases
- "Any trial court judgment can be reversed, but it needs to want to change."
- "In a world without laws, there can be no 'Law & Order' reruns."
- "It is not your opponent's arguments that flap in the breeze, it is your own mind."
- "If a tree falls in the forest, and nobody is there to hear it, does it need Gloria Allred to represent it?"
- "You never get a second chance to make a killer Jack McCoy-esque quip."
- "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Lawsuit!"
- "If you love something set it free. Maybe it will drop the restraining order."
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