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Mar. 31st, 2010|07:55 am |
Life sucks, then you die. It's *that* great an orgasm.
What do the people at the Turbofan Aerated Manure Company say when things go horribly wrong?
"The current security threat level is orange."
"The current security threat level is orange."
"The current security threat level is orange."
You know what? I actually *would* be glad if the airport announcer said "banana."
They say that genius is 99 percent perspiration and 1 percent inspiration. Then again, so is mowing the lawn.
The Top Signs Your Office Has Gone Paperless
- Your paper clip jewelry line is really taking off.
- Earl over in Marketing has an impressive bunch of 2GB Flash Drives embedded end-first in the ceiling tiles.
- When HR wants you to sign something, they hand you a wax pencil, then rotate their monitor to face you.
- In the cafeteria, you have to wipe your mouth with your iPod. Even on chili day.
- Since they banned Post-its, your arms are beginning to resemble that Memento dude's.
- The shredder is in the kitchen and today's lunch special is cole slaw. Again.
- Your dream finally comes true as you literally wipe your ass with Microsoft Word.
The Top Things a Psychic Business Manager Might Say
- "The spirits say you should remove those earthly clothes so I can rub healing oils all over your body. The video camera will record the change in your aura."
- "Don't worry, Jesse. I foresee that no one will ever learn about you cheating on 'America's Sweetheart' with the Nazi-tattoo stripper chick."
- "I see your career on the cusp of a descending water sign. Er, strike that -- it's a toilet."
- "The crystal ball tells me that you could increase your media exposure by sleeping with an athlete. A professional golfer."
- "I see dead people. I'm guessing that means we should book you on Larry King."
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