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Mar. 6th, 2010|03:23 pm |
There's only one time when it's OK to run with scissors: when you spot a grown man with a ponytail.
If you're ever staring down the barrel of a gun, I think it would be funny to blow on the end of it, tap it a few times, and say, "Hello? Is this thing on?" Sure, it could cost you your life -- but, hey, who knows when you'll get another chance to use that gag?
According to scientists, the Chilean earthquake shifted the Earth about three inches off its figure axis, which will result in days that are 1.26 milliseconds shorter. Hey, you'd be surprised at how much can be accomplished in 1.26 milliseconds...
The Top Things We Could Have Done With That 1.26 Milliseconds
- Relived the excitement that was Olympic curling!
- Counted Amy Winehouse's teeth.
- Taken a dump on a toilet filled with snakes.
- Imagined trying some two-man luge with Anderson Cooper before mentally protesting, "No, wait, we mean *Pamela* Anderson! Yeah, that's what we were picturing all long. Co-ed luge with Pammy! Anderson Cooper? Ha ha, where'd *that* come from?"
- Enjoyed a hearty breakfast with Nicole Richie, Lara Flynn Boyle and the Olsen twins.
The Top Modern Disaster Movies
- Curly Tsunami
- Bird Flu Over the Cuckoo's Nest
- Baghdaddy Daycare
- I Know What Your Underpants Tried to Do Last Summer
- The Night the Toyotas Would Not Stop
- 3:10 to FEMA
- 10 Things I Haiti About You
- Nightmare on Capitol Hill
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