nekas jauns - 12. Februāris 2013

3:16 and one half . . .

here I'm supposed to be a great poet
and I'm sleepy in the afternoon
here I am aware of death like a giant bull
charging at me
and I'm sleepy in the afternoon
here I'm aware of wars and men fighting in the ring
and I'm aware of good food and wine and good women
and I'm sleepy in the afternoon
I'm aware of a woman's love
and I'm sleepy in the afternoon,
I lean into the sunlight behind a yellow curtain
I wonder where the summer flies have gone
I remember the most bloody death of Hemingway
and I'm sleepy in the afternoon.

some day I won't be sleepy in the afternoon
some day I'll write a poem that will bring volcanoes
to the hills out there
but right now I'm sleepy in the afternoon
and somebody asks me, "Bukowski, what time is it?"
and I say, "3:16 and a half"
I feel very guilty, I feel obnoxious, useless,
demented, I feel
sleepy in the afternoon,
they are bombing churches, o.k., that's o.k.,
the children ride ponies in the park, o.k., that's o.k.,
the libraries are filled with thousands of books of knowledge,
great music sits inside the nearby radio
and I'm sleepy in the afternoon,
I have this tomb within myself that says,
ah, let the others do it, let them win,
let me sleep,
wisdom is in the dark
sweeping through the dark like brooms,
I'm going where the summer flies have gone,
try to catch me.

/C. Bukowski/

man ir tāds periods ~reizi gadā, kad kādu brīdi klausos tikai the cardigans. viņi daudzejādā ziņā vienmēr būs kaut kāda vissiltākā mūzika, bez jebkāda sevišķa iemesla.
pēdējās dienas gan esmu klausījies diezgan savādu mūzikas kombināciju - sākot ar mykki blanco un gravediggaz, tālāk ar alva noto un tonbruket, beidzot ar džonu skofildu un tomu veku.
cenšos ieiet kaut kādā ritmā. vakar pamodos 12os, skolā nosēdeju divas stundas un atnācu mājās. vakar visu vakaru un daļu nakts lasīju drausmīgu daudzumu visādas dzejas, šorīt pamodos kaut kādos 11os un neaizgāju nekur. tagad ir kaut kāds nenormāls daudzums kontroldarbu par tēmām, par kurām man nav ne mazāko nojausmu, izvairos par to domāt. tuvāko 3 nedēļu laikā 4 koncerti jāspēlē. tas forši.
šodien visu dienu gaidīju, lai mani beigās uzmestu. zināju, ka tā būs, vienalga gaidīju.