| Time |
Event |
| 12:43a |
estranger says FML http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/21015718 Today, while visiting my grandparents, my grandpa decided to explain to me the real reason that the old sofa I was sitting on had always been so discolored. He says they were bleach stains left while cleaning up the mess made during my father's conception. FML |
| 12:43a |
... says FML http://www.fmylife.com/love/21016150 Today, I wrote a text to the guy I've had a crush on for two years. I typed "hey" and put my phone down, not ready to send it. A little while later, I heard it buzz. The reply said "Um... what?" Apparently my sister had added "I'm a shitty prostitute" to my text and sent it. FML |
| 12:43a |
Anonymous says FML http://www.fmylife.com/kids/21016204 Today, my daughter started speaking with hashtags. I told her to knock it off, to which she replied, "You don't get it, mom - hashtag white girl probs." Hashtag FML |
| 12:43a |
Anonymous says FML http://www.fmylife.com/intimacy/21016206 Today, I lost my virginity. We did it on the floor in my step-sister's room, and the entire time he kept pushing my head into the carpet. I lost my V-card but gained rug burn on my face that looks like a fatal disease. FML |
| 12:43a |
That Girl with the Amazon Parrot says FML http://www.fmylife.com/animals/21016256 Today, I was called by the counselor to discuss my "issues". She told me that other students had reported to her that they saw scars on my arms. I don't cut, I just have a hormonal and aggressive parrot who sees me as his personal tree. FML |
| 12:43a |
Anonymous says FML http://www.fmylife.com/health/21016650 Today, I'm now able to put my acne cream on my face without having to look in the mirror, because I've memorized the crater and trench-filled war zone that is my acne-riddled face. FML |
| 12:43a |
Anonymous says FML http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/21016807 Today, I've had my tenth "Christmas" dinner since Christmas last took place. My mum has gone nuts and keeps playing Christmas music, making these dinners, and refusing to let me take down the Christmas decorations. My dad is too whipped to save us from this hell. FML |
| 12:43a |
thanks.... says FML http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/21015630 Today, I woke up to every window in my house packed with snow. It was so bad that I thought I'd been snowed-in, and I started freaking out. It took two hours and multiple phone calls before I found out that my neighbor had taken our prank war too seriously and staged the whole thing. FML |
| 12:43a |
Anonymous says FML http://www.fmylife.com/kids/21015673 Today, my son was playing The Sims, when I saw him remove the door to a room and set it on fire with a Sim trapped inside. I chuckled at first, until I saw that the Sim was me. Meanwhile, my wife's Sim was happily painting in the next room, not giving a crap. All too accurate, sadly. FML |
| 12:43a |
notsohandy says FML http://www.fmylife.com/intimacy/21015691 Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML |
| 12:43a |
Elisa_LmR says FML http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/21015899 Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML |