| Sunday, January 5th, 2014 |
| 12:43 am |
Anonymous says FML http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/21016807 Today, I've had my tenth "Christmas" dinner since Christmas last took place. My mum has gone nuts and keeps playing Christmas music, making these dinners, and refusing to let me take down the Christmas decorations. My dad is too whipped to save us from this hell. FML |
| 12:43 am |
Anonymous says FML http://www.fmylife.com/health/21016650 Today, I'm now able to put my acne cream on my face without having to look in the mirror, because I've memorized the crater and trench-filled war zone that is my acne-riddled face. FML |
| 12:43 am |
That Girl with the Amazon Parrot says FML http://www.fmylife.com/animals/21016256 Today, I was called by the counselor to discuss my "issues". She told me that other students had reported to her that they saw scars on my arms. I don't cut, I just have a hormonal and aggressive parrot who sees me as his personal tree. FML |
| 12:43 am |
Anonymous says FML http://www.fmylife.com/intimacy/21016206 Today, I lost my virginity. We did it on the floor in my step-sister's room, and the entire time he kept pushing my head into the carpet. I lost my V-card but gained rug burn on my face that looks like a fatal disease. FML |
| 12:43 am |
Anonymous says FML http://www.fmylife.com/kids/21016204 Today, my daughter started speaking with hashtags. I told her to knock it off, to which she replied, "You don't get it, mom - hashtag white girl probs." Hashtag FML |
| 12:43 am |
... says FML http://www.fmylife.com/love/21016150 Today, I wrote a text to the guy I've had a crush on for two years. I typed "hey" and put my phone down, not ready to send it. A little while later, I heard it buzz. The reply said "Um... what?" Apparently my sister had added "I'm a shitty prostitute" to my text and sent it. FML |
| 12:43 am |
Elisa_LmR says FML http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/21015899 Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML |
| 12:43 am |
estranger says FML http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/21015718 Today, while visiting my grandparents, my grandpa decided to explain to me the real reason that the old sofa I was sitting on had always been so discolored. He says they were bleach stains left while cleaning up the mess made during my father's conception. FML |
| 12:43 am |
notsohandy says FML http://www.fmylife.com/intimacy/21015691 Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML |
| 12:43 am |
Anonymous says FML http://www.fmylife.com/kids/21015673 Today, my son was playing The Sims, when I saw him remove the door to a room and set it on fire with a Sim trapped inside. I chuckled at first, until I saw that the Sim was me. Meanwhile, my wife's Sim was happily painting in the next room, not giving a crap. All too accurate, sadly. FML |
| 12:43 am |
thanks.... says FML http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/21015630 Today, I woke up to every window in my house packed with snow. It was so bad that I thought I'd been snowed-in, and I started freaking out. It took two hours and multiple phone calls before I found out that my neighbor had taken our prank war too seriously and staged the whole thing. FML |
| Saturday, January 4th, 2014 |
| 12:12 am |
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| 12:12 am |
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| 12:12 am |
notakeeper says FML http://www.fmylife.com/love/21014860 Today, my boyfriend wrote me a long poem that ended with, "Please don't get another mister / I regret I screwed your sister". FML |
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| 12:12 am |
Frustrated says FML http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/21014729 Today, my neighbor's sons decided it would be funny to throw rocks at my house. I went outside to scold them and saw my other neighbors gathered around, watching. They didn't stop them because they thought I wasn't home. FML |
| 12:12 am |
neta_1996 says FML http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/21014713 Today, my boyfriend broke up with me two days before my birthday. Only to make it worse, I found out that he had been texting my mother on how to break up with me. To make it even worse, she was giving him tips. FML |
| 12:12 am |
Andrew says FML http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/21014568 Today, I sent a message on Facebook to a girl I really like. She replied, "..." It took me three hours to realize she'd actually written it. I thought it was just Facebook telling me she was typing. FML |
| 12:12 am |
Anonymous says FML http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/21014440 Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. I accidentally reversed while still in the driveway, and I instinctively hit the brakes. In my panic, I accidentally let go of the brakes, and ended up reversing straight into our house, all while my father yelled "NOOOOOO!" FML |
| 12:12 am |
Anonymous says FML http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/21014374 Today, I ate some amazing homemade brownies that my best friend's wife made for us. She waited till I'd shoved a third one into my mouth before she mentioned she made them with breast milk. Knowing her, I don't even doubt it was true. FML |