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Aprīlis 3., 2008
20:23
Sēžu dzeru Bakardi un lasu Palanjuka citātus internetā, apskaužu maitasgabalu, ja es mācētu tā virknēt domas.
If it was him in those pictures with the monkey, he could look at them every day and think: If I could do this, I could do anything. No matter what else you came up against, if you could smile and laugh while a monkey did you with chestnuts in a dank concrete basement and somebody took pictures, well, any other situation would be a piece of cake.
Even hell.
More and more, for the stupid little kid, that was the idea...
That if enough people looked at you, you'd never need anybody's attention again.
That if someday you were caught, exposed, and revealed enough, then you'd never be able to hide again. There'd be no difference between your public and private lives.
That if you could aquire enough, accomplish enough, you'd never want to own or do another thing.
That if you eat or sleep enough, you'd never need more.
That if enough people loved you, you'd stop needing love.
That you could ever be smart enough.
That you could someday get enough sex.
These all became the little boy's new goals. The illusions he'd have for the rest of his life. These were all the promises he saw in the fat man's smile.
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