ad_nauseam's Journal

8:03am: there can be such joy in doing things. i worked a lot during this easter. i worked through it. pages after pages of translation. and the film. i translated a film by Bergman. i'm sure you haven't seen it. its english title, The Good Intentions, is simply not accurate. it most certainly should have been The Good Will. i have a feeling that for some reason people tend to avoid this word - will. because it's old-fashioned? because it's too strong? anyhow. the film was semi-autobiographic, about Bergman's parents. his father was a priest and his mother a 'spoilt bourgeois girl'. and so they fought through life and love. parents on both sides disapproved of the marriage, but they married anyway and moved to the north of the country, to a small village with wooden shacks, freezing winters and sullen people.

but there it comes - a wave of morning lust. it's cunt-wringing.

10:20am: I have to admit the morning is beautiful. although the sun is unavoidably bright. and the trams are awake, of course. and the cars. i wonder where people are going this easter morning. probably getting back from their countrysides, the backseats packed with onion-shell coloured eggs and sleepy children and melting chocolate bunnies.
but where were we? i was saying that, yes, it's a still and peaceful morning and i think of you lying in my bed, turning your back on me as usual, and i would try not to mind because even your back is better than nothing, and i would look at this back and would want to touch it. with a finger then a palm and then both palms. and see the sun on my skin and feel its warmth. and i would spread my fingers and let the sun seep through. and that's how your back would get warm. but in all likelihood i would go on lying there and just think about touching your back. and then you would wake up and fuck me.