...it's all in my head...

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August 25th, 2009

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mans bankas čars nākotnē būs goblins!

July 5th, 2009

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Yogg-Saron: Okay, so this whole plan is going pretty well. I've gunked up a tree in Grizzly Hills, I've enslaved the Keepers of Ulduar, and I've set up an impassable ravine between my inner sanctum and the outside world, so nobody can get in to stop me.
Kologarn: AND I WILL STAND IN IT.
Yogg-Saron: Seriously not necessary, K-Garn. I've got that whole thing under control. Check out the map. It says that's "The Shattered Walkway." It used to just be "The Walkway." Until I shattered it. No walkway, no progress. Pure effin' genius.
Kologarn: AND THAT IS WHERE I WILL SQUEEZE THE LIFE OUT OF THEM.
Yogg-Saron: No, dude. You don't need to go there at all. You can pretty much just take the week off. Maybe meet some ladies. I can't even remember the last time you hooked up.
Kologarn: NONE SHALL PASS.
Yogg-Saron: Well, that's the point of a huge ravine. So I don't really need your help.
Kologarn: I CAN CRUSH AN ARMORED TAUREN IN MY POWERFUL STONE GRIP.
Yogg-Saron: Yeah, but the tauren can't get over the ravine anyway. And it will be extra funny, because they could totally get over the ravine if they could use their flying mounts, but flying mounts are disabled in Ulduar. That will make them crazy. See, that's what I do.
Kologarn: WITH MY OVERHEAD SMASH, I CAN MAKE THE EARTH SHAKE. MY FOCUSED EYEBEAMS TURN MY VERY RAGE INTO LAZERS.
Yogg-Saron: Okay, I guess if you really want a crack at them. But it's fine with me if you just want to knock off. What's your hard mode?
Kologarn: HARD MODE?
Yogg-Saron: Can you, like, buff yourself to do double damage, or have twice as much health or something?
Kologarn: I AM VERY LARGE.
Yogg-Saron: Fair enough. Go hang out there. I guess, even if they beat you, I've still got my bases covered with the whole shattering-the-walkway plan.
Kologarn: YEAH. I DON'T SEE ANY WAY YOU'LL BE SORRY ABOUT THIS.
Yogg-Saron: Wait, wouldn't it make more sense for you to fight them outside? Instead of standing in a ravine where they can attack your face?
Kologarn: BUT I AM LARGE. AND MY BREATH WILL TURN THEM TO STONE! BUT I CAN ONLY USE IT WHEN THEY ARE FAR AWAY FROM ME.
Yogg-Saron: I know. I was just thinking that we should take advantage of your relative largeness, and keep your weak points well out of reach. In fact, why don't you eye-laser them from the gate while they're trying to fight Flame Leviathan?
Kologarn: KOLOGARN... ACTUALLY... SORT OF... AFRAID OF OPEN SPACES.
Yogg-Saron: What, like agoraphobia?
Kologorn: NO, KOLOGARN NOT AFRAID OF SPIDERS. KOLOGARN SQUISH SPIDERS!
Yogg-Saron: That's not what it means. But, you could squish the adventurers like spiders, were you not standing in a giant ravine. That's what I'm saying, you should just do that.
Kologarn : ADVENTURERS ARE NOT SPIDERS.
Yogg-Saron: But they're still... But you could... *sigh*
Kologarn: I AM VERY LARGE.
Yogg-Saron: Whatever. Go stand in the ravine, you stupid loot-pinata.
Kologarn: WHAT IS 'PINATA'? IS IT A FISH?

(Later that evening)

*Kologarn has been defeated!*

Yogg-Saron: .................
*Sounds of Pillaging*
Yogg-Saron: Auriaya? Dammit, where'd she go? AURIAYA!
Auriaya: SOME THINGS ARE BETTER LEFT AL......... oh wait.
Auriaya: Yes, kitten?
Yogg-Saron: Kologarn fell down on the job..... literally. You need to stop the invaders.
Auriaya: It'll have to wait, I'm walking teh kitties.
Yogg-Saron: Do it and be rewarded!
Auriaya: Do they have kittehs? I'll do it if they have lolcats.
Yogg-Saron: Ummm..... no. One of them has a mouldering body for a pet, one has a puppy, and another has some kind of bug.
Auriaya: ICK! Ghouls make the kittehs throw up, puppies poop on the rug, and the kittehs tear the curtains down chasing bugs. That's just too much mess to be worth it.
Yogg-Saron: ............
Auriyaya: Do you know how hard it is to get a good cleaning service in here? Not to mention an interior designer to re-hang the curtains.
Auriaya: BRB gotta lets the kittehs out.
Yogg-Saron: FFS. Auriaya go deal with them....... now! Auriaya? Hello?
Yogg-Saron: ........

Yogg-Saron: Hodir? Where'd Auriaya go?
Hodir: She's out walking teh kittehs.
Yogg-Saron: Wonderful. Get rid of those iced raiders - they're a liabililty.
Hodir: No, they're decoration.

Yogg-Saron: Sigh...... Thorim? It's time to get in the game, buddy!
Thorim: FOOTBALL!
Yogg-Saron: Nevermind......

Yogg-Saron: Let's see - Auriaya is walking the lolcats, Hodir is decorating, Thorim is...... not all there, Freya is in the garden out back and Mimiron is in the garage.......
Yogg-Saron: I need a Ready Check button........ seriously.

____________________________________________________________________

Yogg - Saron : Hey, Ignis, got Razorscale's armor on yet?
Ignis : Yeah, where do we put him?
Razorscale : RAWR!1!!1!
Ignis : Oh, how about the courtyard over THERE?
Yogg Saron - ... right next to the harpoons?
Ignis : YEES!
Yogg Saron - You think that is a good idea?
Ignis : YEES
Yogg Saron - Why?
Ignis : BECAUSE I THINK THE HARPOONS WOULD BE GOOD FOR EXERCISE!
Yogg Saron - ... Why did I enslave a bunch of idiots? *walks away*
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