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[Dec. 27th, 2020|11:04 am] |
I think in a world where people are too scared to feel or see the truth, one automatically feels alienated. How can I feel any closeness to such world, when i'm perceived as odd, weird, intense,...and in many cases when I talk about my ethics, I'm called other names. This feeling of longing and lacking is not only from a lack of connection with others as a child (not receiving the basic needs such as love, affection, protection and security), but as one grows up and seeks for deeper meaning in life, it gets even harder because the love and connection I'm seeking seems to not exist. It's all superficial and selfish. How can I not feel like an alien? So then the question becomes: Do I hold on to my authenticity and depth and be the outsider all my life, or should I pretend to be one of them and live a lie?
I don't believe that I'm in search of myself because I know what I'm about. To me, authenticity is in expressing my thoughts and feelings without being diplomatic or sugar-coating it in any way...and I'm not talking about being rude, but telling the truth just the way it is. I have found the truth, I'm not in search of it, and my lack comes from being in a world of people who refuse to feel, who run away from feeling, and have a blindfold. I see the big picture, I see what's missing in connecting us all, but others don't or can't, and that's what the lack is, what the sense of "not belonging" comes from, where I don't fit. It's a superficial and shallow world and I don't want to be it. I think I have evolved, and I want to invite others to my world, and it's lonely because they don't see what I see. They don't feel what I feel. They think feelings are wrong, kindness means weakness, and evolvement means distraction and positive thoughts only. Authenticity is being raw, and pointing at the truth no matter what others may think of you. I look at all the suffering that we inflict upon ourselves, others and our planet as unnecessary, but everyone is too robotic to feel and change it. |
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