| |
[Nov. 13th, 2009|11:49 am] |
Forget yoga. You can never experience the human body's full range of contortion until you've walked face-first into a spider web.
I don't think I have the time to remain subscribed to this bulletin board. By the time I had completed the arduous task required by the posting labeled "read 27 times," some joker had upped the requirement by one.
The Top Socially Acceptable Ways to Say "That Chick with the Hooters"
- "She who plays viola in the string breastet."
- "She whose facial beauty causes men to cast their eyes downward"
- "The girl with the pre-fontal bra-lottery."
- Trick question! You *can't* say anything because you're stepping on your tongue.
- "Yon wench with the delectable Cornish Pasties."
- "Stay tuned for The Amazing Marvelette and her Colossal Hypno-Discs of Doom!"
- "She Who Shall Star in My Fantasies Until the End of Days"
- "Babette, the handler exercising that giant pair of pink-nosed puppies."
- "That ground-visibility-challenged victim of overpopularity"
- "La dame avec la DAMN!"
The Top Little-Known Facts About the H1N1 Flu
- If no vaccine is available, doctors recommend swallowing ants, since the progress of the disease may be slowed by the presence of anty-bodies in the stomach.
- Snorting 8 strips of cooked, powdered bacon has the same effect as the nasal Swine Flu vaccine.
- The majority of people who are afraid of H1N1 vaccine because it is new are NOT afraid of McDonald's new Angus Third Pounder.
- Add one gene to the swine flu's DNA and you have Turkish taffy.
- It actually originated with Alec Baldwin's little pig daughter.
The Top Things Overheard on Veterans Day
- "Do you want to hear my story or not? And for the last time, son, 'Enfilade Fire' is a military tactic, not the new burrito at Taco Bell."
- "I hope this hip holds up for the parade."
- "Yeah, Afghanistan was bad. But if you want to see real fighting, watch the Wives' Club plan a party."
- "Vets *should* have a special day. Thank God for all those fine men and women in charge of health care for our pets."
- "I told my daughter I was going to watch 'Band of Brothers,' and she thought I meant those Jonas punks."
- "So the mess sergeant points me at the ten bushels of peas. And that's when the shelling started."
The Top Drawbacks of All Those Tattoos
- TOTALLY clashes with your sister's bridesmaid dresses.
- There will come a day when your kids ask what they mean.
- Eventually, everything droops. Everything.
- That concert montage on your back made more sense before the band broke up.
- If it comes down to powering the city *or* running the lasers to remove your tats, the public utility board might not rule in your favor.
- Your new spider tat appears to be climbing your varicose veins.
- You have no fewer than three Peanuts comic strips tattooed on your body. Lord help you though you can't remember where the third one is.
- How can you pick up bar chicks with your wife's name inked across your shoulder?
No TopFive.com |
|
|
