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[Apr. 11th, 2009|12:41 am] |
According to the dictionary, to *irk* is to make weary, irritated, or bored. Well, that pretty much covers my entire existence. I'm basically irked all the time.
The Covert Comic
My bank has started a new promotion offering free checks for life. See? That's how they get you! Most people don't realize that they can charge as much as they want after you die.
Donna Ayers
How come so many conservative Christians insist the only method of birth control that is 100% effective is abstinence? I can think of one documented case where even THAT didn't work -- and you'd think they'd all be familiar with it.
Chris Irby
Guys, the next time you're out at a bar, try this trick: Drop two fake eyeballs in a beer glass and hand it to the lady of your choice. When she asks what it is, tell her, "That's the DUI charge you could save by going home with me."
Brad Simanek
Although it's been three years since I ran my car into that nuclear waste truck, I could still become a superhero -- if only I just stop gnawing on my tongue and jerking uncontrollably.
Jerry L. Embry
Since I can't afford to drive a bright yellow Hummer, I'm going to get a big flashing sign for my car that says, "I'm in serious need of your attention!"
Bernie Spencer
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