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[Jan. 28th, 2009|01:09 pm] |
Dear Mr. Barrack H. Obama, President of the USA: Congratulations on your inauguration Tuesday. I must say I am really impressed with how fast you are acting on things to turn this country around, like how you combined your new national health care plan with homeland security to save money. GENIUS! It was so nice to know I was in good hands with the TSA this week as they screened my baggage. Better still was learning that I don't have prostrate concerns. Nice work!
BigDogDano
When we got married, my wife assured me our lives would be "like a fairy tale." Apparently, I'm playing the part of the evil wizard who falls into the fiery pit.
Paul B.
I don't understand people who worry about financial security. I invest in the Lottery Retirement Plan -- and it only costs a dollar!
Tom Sims
If I had a nickel for every time a woman rejected me, I bet women in pick-up bars would be trying to avoid the weird guy who pays for everything with nickels.
James Knowles
The Top Things You Should Never, Ever Say to Your Boss, part II
- "I thought this was a real ethical dilemma for a major corporate executive, so I called the folks at '60 Minutes' for some advice."
- "You know, that hairpiece really draws attention away from your acne scars!"
- "Okay, I admit I've been taking your lunches from the fridge -- but only to help you lose weight."
- "Harassment, my ass -- I only tweaked her boon, fer chrissakes!"
- "Mr. Lay? I have some questions regarding a few accounting irregularities I accidentally found."
- "Hey, boss! It's me! Over here! First time at a gay bar?"
- "Wow, that girl next to you in the picture looks exactly like this skank who gave me the clap last year."
- "Bossdude, your daughter and I forgot my bong in the backseat of your Benz last night!"
- "Is it my imagination, Ms. Fetzer, or is your ass starting to sag?"
- "Sir, I hope you don't mind that I invited my friend the union recruiter to the company picnic."
- "Well just between you and me, I wasn't, you know, *SICK* sick."
- "Actually, I don't HAVE a personal savior, you deity-worshipping loser."
No TopFive.com |
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