| |
[Dec. 23rd, 2005|02:17 pm] |
Homer, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 news was on.
The news crew was covering the story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Homer and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Homer says," You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Homer placed $20 on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset and handed her $20 to Homer, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Homer replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replied, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Homer took the money...
***
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetable of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
And the Devil created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99 pence double-cheeseburger.
And the Devil said to Man, "You want fries with that?"
And Man said, "Yeah, I'll have king-size" And Man gained pounds.
And God created the healthful yoghurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair.
And the Devil brought forth chocolate. And woman gained pounds.
And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
And the Devil brought forth ice cream. And woman gained pounds.
And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."
And the Devil brought forth fried chicken so big it needed its own plate.
And Man gained pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.
And the Devil brought forth satellite TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between BBC1 and BBC2.
And Man gained pounds.
And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil."
And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
And the Devil peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep fat fried them. And he created ketchup and salt also.
And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol.
And the Devil saw and said, "It is good."
And Man went into cardiac arrest.
And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And then the Devil created waiting lists. |
|
|
