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[Dec. 28th, 2015|10:16 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Anything, just anyone else's voice in my head | ] |
There is no way I can listen to my own thoughts today. I will turn on music and hope it drowns out whatever it is that's wailing in my head now.
It has a point, though - perhaps it nibs at too many truths for me to bear, and bear them I do. But not deal with them. I can't handle the truth.
Right now, I see a number of things that cannot be left as they are, but I am powerless to change them. And I have someone looking up to me, asking the same questions I have asked a hundred times over, and it makes me angry to explain that I never found any answers. So, powerless, helpless, pointless, I am, that it all feels not like a problem but rather my fault. How dare I be too stupid to figure this out and fix it.
But this is real life - you never know what to do, there are no experience points and no mission markers, you don't recognize good deeds and don't get rewarded for them, you can never tell when the chapter is truly over, and if you do beat the boss you go to jail.
So yes, it's difficult. Being alive.
I'm just trying to explain how it is that I've ended up in the corner of YouTube where bearded almost-middle-age guys hum in sleepy voices to the slow melancholy strumming of a guitar. |
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