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[Apr. 14th, 2010|08:04 am] |
I accidentally swapped the envelopes to my Census form and my Primary mail-in ballot. Now the Census people think there are several politicians living at my house. On the plus side, I have a remote shot at becoming a county judge.
I've decided it's time for me to get a dog. Not because I really want a pet, but rather because I'm tired of going to jail for leaving "presents" on the lawns of people I don't like.
I ve been trying to hire an au pair for about six months now, but so far I haven't been able to find one willing to work for me. They all suspicious and question your motives when they find out you don't have any children.
Sure, they talk a big game about how their hiring practices don't discriminate based on sexual orientation -- but you should have seen how quickly my flower shop job interview ended when I let slip I was a florasexual.
The Top Courses to Avoid in Law School
- "How to Meet Women and Influence Judges"
- "Bet You Wished You'd Listened to Your Mother About Med School Now"
- "Witch Defenfe"
- "Gerrymandering 101"
- "Great Filibusters of the 20th Century"
- "The Tea Party Constitution"
- "Books: What Are They, and Why You Should Keep Them on the Shelves in Case Clients Come By"
- "Why Justice Is More Important Than Billable Hours"
The Top Signs You Need to Put Down Your Mobile Device
- During the height of passion you scream the name of your 3G service provider.
- A mirror image of your iPhone screen is burned into your cheek, directly above the permanent keypad imprint.
- You're disrupting aircraft navigation. From your house.
- Considering you are now the commanding officer of an ICBM base, it is probably time to stop playing with your Missile Command app.
- "The doctor is telling me to push now... brb."
- "Hold on, I'm updating my status. Yeah, yeah, I know how fast I was going, Officer."
The Top Names for a "Star Wars" Sitcom
- Maul in the Family
- Sith Park
- Survivor: Tatooine
- Who Wants to Be a Gazillionaire Filmmaker?
- That Better-in-the-'70s Show
- How I Met My Father
- Yhoda
- Everybody Hates Sith
- Seinfett
- Keeping Up With the Calrissians
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