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[Mar. 19th, 2010|09:34 am] |
Whoever said that money can't buy friends obviously never brought donuts to the office.
I bet submarine sandwiches would be a lot more expensive if they had to be completely airtight and waterproof.
The Top Differences in the Los Angeles Police Department Were It Staffed Exclusively by Pirates
- "An Encino Long John Silvers patron was stabbed 37 times to death today by nine off-duty Valley Division officers after he brandished what was perceived to be a cutlass but proved to be only a spork."
- Embarrassing enough that suspects easily escape peg-legged cops, but the hysterical laughter makes it worse.
- Patrol cars labeled "To Serve and To Keelhaul."
- There are entirely too many jokes about the "C. S. Ayes."
- You'd think it'd be hard to shoot with an eye patch.
- Sgt. Friday: "We be needin' naught but the facts, ye wench."
- Officers would be temporarily reassigned to desk jobs if they *didn't* kill somebody.
- Community service sentences would involve removing barnacles from police cruisers.
- Prostitution stings undermined when mastman yells "Land Ho!'"
- Minority suspects wearing bandannas could add impersonating a police officer to the laundry list of grossly trumped-up charges they'd face.
- Dash-cam replaced by a midget with a telescope perched high aloft the roof.
- Total coolness not withstanding, motorcycle cops would end up constantly circling back to retrieve blown-off parrots.
The Top Driving Haikus
Self-important prick!
Signal turns or you may find
Baby on *dash* board.
Car slides over bridge!
Glad my underwear is clean.
Oops! I spoke too soon.
Cut *me* off, you scum?
Pass you on the right! I win!!
Morning, officer.
Something just happened
Between me and the leather.
Please crack a window.
My toll-booth hottie
Can't hear my smooth pickup lines
Over the car horns.
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