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[Feb. 12th, 2010|05:34 pm] |
The first 30 years of my life, I was intense and results-driven. In my current 30, I am more circumspect and purpose-driven. I suppose my next 30 will likely find me arthritic and Rascal-driven.
Guys, the secret to keeping your marriage intact for the long haul is to live in a society where all the eligible males are bigger losers than you are.
The Top Responses to "Tell Me Something I Didn't Know"
- "OK. You're ugly too."
- "What, and condemn some poor factoid to a miserable lifetime of solitude in the cavernous vacuum of your mind?"
- "Hole in the ground. Your ass. COMPLETELY different things."
- "Who your daddy is?"
- "Your wife has a G-spot."
- "The last time you stood in the shower with the water on?"
- "I'm post-op and you were my first."
- "Your children are adopted."
The Top Rejected Names for Restaurants
- Palmolive Garden
- Chuck e. Coli
- Obeseburger
- Health Inspector Not on the Premises Tacos
- Long John Fillers
The Top Surprising Health and Beauty Uses of Chocolate
- Cougars and bobcats can use it as bait.
- Can fill in as lip/nail color on goth night.
- Edible moles.
- Using white chocolate helps blondes with root touch-ups, or for brunettes, adds quick highlights.
- Magic Shell provides quick and edible lingerie.
- Spray-on tanning product for that mocha tone.
- Try it for covering up that bald spot.
- Female contraceptive: Eat enough of it and no guy will ever have sex with you again.
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