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[Jun. 29th, 2009|12:23 pm] |
You know you've thrown a really good surprise party when the guest of honor walks into his apartment and has no idea who *anyone* is.
Brad Simanek
I thought nobody cared until yesterday, when my cat brought me a half-eaten rodent. At least somebody gives a rat's ass around here.
EllioTT Schiff
The Top Signs Jesus Is on Summer Vacation
- A fishing charter out of Newport reported that a bearded man walked up to the boat, turned the fuel in the jerry cans to cold beer, and fed everyone from the bait well.
- "Martha! Come look at this guy in the wading pool with holes in
his hands!"
- Up and down the coast near Cancun, all the water has turned to
wine.
- His yard looks like crap, and newspapers are piling up in front of his door.
- At the beach party all they are serving is loaves and fishes. But the wine is fantastic.
- All your prayers go to voicemail.
- Stigmata now dripping with sunscreen.
- He keeps interrupting your making love to your girlfriend by banging on the other side of your motel wall yelling "that's my name, don't wear it out!"
- The Body of Christ suddenly tastes a lot like tequila and lime.
- Priests seen wearing, "My Holy Father went to Hard Rock Cancun, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt."
The Top Signs Your Fetish Is Out of Control
- Your Starbucks barista gives you change in the form of spankings.
- "I appreciate that you have already utilized every available millimeter of skin, but our Gastroenterology surgeons just don't do colon tattoos."
- You prefer to look at Dolly Parton's *toe* cleavage.
- Nobody at work believes you're in charge of random drug testing or that they're supposed to put the sample directly into your coffee cup.
- The jars of boogers now take up the entire spice rack.
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