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[Feb. 6th, 2009|08:14 am] |
Life is a series of lessons. or instance, when asked at an interview hat my greatest weakness is, I will ever again bring up strippers in leather.
Wayne Lloyd
As the economy gets worse, it's important to remember that we need to continue to care for our furry companions. After all, we just might end up having to eat them.
Joseph Moore
The Top Things You Never Want to Hear Your Lawyer Say
- "Appeal? You can *DO* that?!?"
- "Hey, can I use your car while you're in stir?"
- "Hmmm... we drew Judge Henderson. I wonder if he's forgiven e for knocking up his only daughter."
- "Oh yeah? Well, overrule THIS, you pompous douchebag!"
- "Dear God! Can't I get a winnable case just ONCE?!?"
- "Whaddaya say we rent a convertible and drive to Vegas with trunk full of psychedelic drugs and cheap booze?"
- "Permission to approach that hottie court reporter, our Honor?"
- "Since you can't even afford bail, how's about you pay for my services with a little conjugal visit?"
- "Now, here's what I want you to tell the judge after I suddenly grab my briefcase and run out of the courtroom..."
- "These rape charges will never hold up -- I've paid some witnesses to testify that you're into bestiality *and* have chronic erectile dysfunction."
- "I think I can get you the waterbed and the Chia pet, if you're willing to give her the Ferrari."
- "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my client is without guilt -- just as plainly as I am without pants."
The Top Ineffective Pickup Lines for Women
- "I go all night, but the bathroom is adjacent to my bedroom so it's not inconvenient."
- "Your eyes are the color of an OPI nail color at a high-end salon."
- "I'm pretty much back-hair free."
- "Breasts, teeth, hair... yes, two out of three are real!"
- "Wanna pay for my next pregnancy test?"
- "Do you know what time it is? My biological clock seems to be running a bit fast."
- "You'd be my first. Tonight."
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