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[Jul. 31st, 2008|04:22 pm] |
For me, failure is not an option. It comes standard with everything I do.
Wiley
Top Signs Your Shrink and Your Hairdresser Have Traded Places
- When you tell her you like your bangs longer, she asks "What would your mother think of that?"
- "So, would you like a Freudian bob or a Jungian pageboy or a just a Gestalt trim today?"
- Your requests for "a permanent" and "solution" caused her to ask "How long have you been fixated on the Nazis?"
- You still hate your hair, but now with the antidepressants that you get when you leave, you feel happier about it.
- No chair, instead you have to lie down on the couch for your cut and color.
- Your stiff, hard beehive hairdo is called "The Penis Envy."
- As you sit there sobbing, the shrink is drying your tears with a hairdryer.
- After each hypnosis session, you have a nice Brazillian.
The Top Picnic Pick-up Lines
- "If I get my hot dogs and hamburger patties from the cooler, would you grab my buns?"
- "Got any edible undies in that basket?"
- "Uh oh, looks like those ants are headed for your pants. You'd better take them off!"
- "Would you rub some mayonnaise on my back?"
- "You know, these hot wings are pretty good, too, but your breasts and thighs look absolutely delicious."
- "Care for a taste of ripe, succulent melon?"
- "I love the smell of tuna in the afternoon."
- "Looks to me like you really know your way around a hot wiener."
- "Do you need a utensil? 'Cause I'd sure love to spork you."
- "I decided not to enter the race because I like to take my time in the sack."
- "Nice spread."
- "Would you two ladies care to make a sandwich with me?"
- "My bologna has a first name, and he'd like to introduce himself."
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