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[Nov. 17th, 2007|12:46 pm] |
One hundred seventeen consecutive losing games of computer solitaire is nature's way of saying, "Get back to work!"
Richard Skora
In college, I took a class from a professor who changed my whole life. I can't really remember what his name was, or what the class was, or even which college it was, but I found that if you sit behind a really tall guy and kind of slouch down in your chair you can drink Scotch right from the bottle and not get caught.
Bill Ervin
Two men attempted to blackmail the British royal family by demanding $100,000 for a videotape showing Princes William and Harry having sex and taking drugs. Sex and drugs? That's it? Surely there must be more!
The Top Surprises in the Royal Family Blackmail Video
- The royal kitchen? Kosher.
- The tape actually shows several designated servants participating in drug-fueled sex while the princes lounge nearby.
- Prince Harry walking around in his Gryffindor underwear.
- The crown jewels, in the hands of a commoner!
- Who knew Windsor Castle had *that* kind of dungeon?
- If you play the video backwards, you can clearly hear Princess Diana say, "I raised you boys better than this."
- Apparently, for 50 quid you can get a lass dressed as Hermione Granger to beat your bum with a wand.
- It's actually a "British Royal Family with a Black Male" video.
- Turns out the phrase "His Royal Highness" refers to something else entirely.
The Top Signs Your "Drug Test" Wasn't Really a Drug Test
- The boss seems completely taken aback when, after asking for your analysis, you leave the meeting room and return with a cup full of pee.
- The radiologist who squished your breasts in the big machine did not even once say the words "drug test".
- You failed because you weren't using a Number 2 pencil.
- You'd think the olive would contaminate the sample.
- The "specimen jar" is a brown plastic bottle, and as you're leaving you notice that the clinic is next door to a Coors Light brewery.
- The bathroom lights are *really* bright, and they tell you not to start until you hear the word "action".
- The nurse's assistant in the ratty Warrant T-shirt insists on collecting a breast-sweat sample.
- The intern is giggling uncontrollably, and the specimen container is labeled "World's Best Boss."
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