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[Jan. 13th, 2006|11:30 am] |
One of the British national daily newspapers is asking readers "what it means to be British?". Some of the emails are hilarious but this is one from a chap in Switzerland ...
Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign ".
Q: What does bungee jumping and prostitutes have in common?
A: They both cost a hundred pounds and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed!
Q. How do you confuse a female archaeologist?
A. Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it's from.
Q. What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies?
A. Bingo
- I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
- I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
- A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office and! says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered" "Sir," replied the doctor, "you're 97 Don't you thin k your sex drive is all in your head?" "You're damned right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"
- An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
- It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
- THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. |
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