Pret Sienu
Pret Sienu
- jo tālāk, jo trakāk
- 2/28/12 01:50 pm
- jo vairāk laiks pagājis kopš iepriekšējām attiecībām, jo vairāk zemapziņas līmenī sāk bakstīt kaut kas un liek meklēt opcijas.. tātad tomēr neesam piemēroti ilgstošai dzīvošanai vienatnē :/
un trakākais ir tas, ka laikam ejot sāk mazināties prasības un palielināties pielaides :D ir sajūta, ka vienā brīdī prātiņš vienkārši paies malā.. ak šī DABA ibitīt matos.
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- vakara smaids
- 2/27/12 11:29 pm
- iekāpu draudziņos, un ko redzu pie aktivitātem - mana autoritāte, mans vidusskolas matenes pasniedzējs, spēlē fermu..
(rofl)
seriously? :)
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- pārdomās par attiecībām
- 2/27/12 10:26 pm
- No domu klades - Apr 19, 2010
*******
About friendship
Let’s look behind the scenes of relationship between to people, a man and a woman, but with some overgeneralizations as well.
If we pose a question, what is relationship all about, what answers do we come up with? Let’s write down some:
1) out there to help each other
2) spend quality time together
3) bound with special event, which both have participated in
4) know each other preferences
5) have mutual interests
6) have common secrets
7) have sex
8) kiss
9) hug
10) make and raise kids
11) share costs of living
12) share everyday duties
Now, let’s see in what packages do they ship and what titles are then labeled on each:
| Friend | Best Friend | Dating partner | Spouse |
| Some of 1-6 | 1-6 | 7-8 (9?) | 10, 11, 12 |
Ok, now, when we have this, we can see when marriage is most likely to be long-lived: it’s when you have gone from left to right. I have heard saying “it’s even better, if you are also best friend with your spouse”. Hold a moment; if you are not best friend with your spouse, what relationship are you talking about then? Sex? Kids? Correct, you can have spouse for that and still have friends to fulfill your other needs. But then, if there just 7-8, some of 10-12 shared with your spouse, this can be sustainable in long term only under one condition – that the other party is comfortable with this. So, if you happen to have dating partner and if you feel that you would like to have that relationship for more than just some time, make sure you both get to know each other and try to be friends, preferably, best friends. If you don’t then, this might sound rude, but it’s really cheaper to get paid sex elsewhere. This brings another interesting question actually. Ethics tells us that we should have only one Dating Partner at a time. Moreover, if you get engaged and married, this turns into a law. Now, question, why are we so focused on Dating Partner aspect, when actually, that is only tiny bit of relationship as such. It’s much more about friends - that’s what really matters. And, what is more, it’s perfectly legal to have unlimited number of best friends – why is this then not limited with law? I mean, when we get jealous, is this because we are afraid that our Dating Partner might turn into a Dating Partner of somebody else? Or is this 1-6 that we are afraid of? In fact we should be afraid of 1-6 more, as to be a good (moreover, best) friend – takes much time. Time is the resource that everybody has. And has it in a very limited amount. And to fulfill DP functions, it takes - let’s say 1h a day. To be a best friend – takes more than that. So, when we are jealous at our DP partner, we’re in fact more jealous about him/her turning into a BF instead of DP (takes time that was shared away). Of course, DP is related to our thinking, that once we declare somebody as DP, then immediately, we own that person – but truth is, we never own anybody. We just happen to have a privilege to be next our DP. On the other hand, once we make it official, the law is which limits you to have one DP at a time. And this is very tricky moment. We mix law with our rights. We think that now we have rights over the other person – but we do not. It’s that the scenario is similar. Okay, and what happens then, say, you get engaged – once you do so, you think, okay, I can now relax, and not work on being best friend (yes, you have to work to be the best friend!), and what happens, eventually, you find that you’re having DP and Spouse relationship active, but no more she/he is your Best Friend – it’s the fake feeling of being safe that makes us behave this improper way.
What to do? Well, do not make your relationship official as long as possible – because, up until you are not officially together, at unconscious level you will have command active – work on being best friend. Once, you will make it official, you will slow down. You will be thinking of other, sort of, important things (like, where do we live, what do we eat, how do we move around, etc, etc) – which in essence, then will reduce to work, to working even harder because of “new responsibilities”. And more working - means that you will have much less time for your BF position. So, if by this you will have made a really solid foundation and if both parties are BF before formalization, odds are that this couple will make a long story. If however BF foundation was not built properly before, there will be much less time after.
The derivative approach – or de-tour of laws.
Okay, so, having one DP is legal, more is not. What to do? If you understand, that BF is what actually matters, then, depending on your current long-term goals, you can have a few BF’s and for DP purpose, you can buy some when you need – sounds little odd, but, just think of idea – do not forget that the only difference between BF and BF which is also DP is the DP part ☺ Now, if among your long term goals there are kids, then it makes situation different. For a kid, it’s better to have mum and dad, as both give different knowledge, different approach to life, etc. So, having outsourced DP will not help here. What to do? Yes, you got it right, obey the rules – have one DP, have one Spouse. So what’s the point? The point is - make sure your potential Spouse is both BF and good as DP. Shall it fail at any position - your relationship won’t be long enough to have your kids raised in happy family which lived happy forever. And here comes the big thing about MAN – we usually have strong sex-drive – so, BF part is somehow ignored at the beginning, as DP is much more important. Its fine, that relationship starts out with DP. BUT it should either grow and extend into BF or terminate. But DP should not turn into Spouse. If that happens, you’re again in trouble. Sure, if you had DP, then made it spouse but did not work on BF, then, if you realize this, and if you admit it – then if you really prudently look at your relationship with the other party – you can both work your path to becoming BF’s. And if you add BF to DP + Spouse – congrats, you will live long life together.
Now, while we are on this wave – I was thinking why not “pretty” girls, are not dying alone – but happen to have their DP and Spouse – it’s very clear actually – such parties, must be good F/BF. And, if the candy does not have a shiny wrapper – your attention is not disturbed by it. You focus then on what’s inside. And these people, which do not feature glossy wrappers, happen to be really different than those with gloss – theses people value more F/BF part, as they are aware they don’t have glossy outfit – so, the way they make it to the spouse is different and starts from F->BF->DP->Souse. I bet those couples which evolved this way, have much lower rate of divorces.
Now, knowing this, think a moment – how many girls have you even not considered, because they did not happened to have the proper glossy wrapper. Also, a wrapper can be added at any time. But if from a girl, having a cool wrapper, but rubbish content, you take away that wrapper part – what’s left? Also, here is quick test to find what’s under: is she shy of talking about her weight? Is she shy talking about any minor wrapper issues she has? If both yes, and if similar questions result in positive answer, then it’s because she knows herself, that this is the way she will get her DP/Spouse. Such questions are hurting her main selling point; therefore she takes immediate action to protect her position. Ask this to a partner now in best shape – you will hardly make him/her feel different – because they know it. They look at mirror every day and they are aware – also, they know that not DP->Spouse is the way that they will make it. It’s the long F->BF->DP->S way.
Think of this.
**********
un kā Tev liekas?
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- dzēlīgi..
- 2/27/12 09:58 pm
- mēs te esam tādi 4 čomi, kas jau kopš augstskolas kopā tusējam. lūk, bet ir viens džekiņš, kas ir diezgan egoistisks - un par to arī stāsts. tātad, mums ir rituāls, katru nedēļu satiekamies un spēlējam zoli. konkrētā laikā un vietā. visi ar to rēķinās. tagad džekiņš iepazinās ar jaunu meiču, un burtiski nedēļas laikā izdomāja iet dejot tieši tad, kad mums ir pasēdēšana. lieki piebilst, ka tas bija vienīgais vakars, kas bija visiem +/- pieejams. nēnu, ja puika būtu kopā ar to meiču gadiem, viss okey. bet tā, kaut kā debili. tāda sajūta, ka pārējie vienkārši tiek nomesti kā apnikušas rotaļlietas. debili. skumji. apbēdinoši.
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- rīta procedūra
- 2/27/12 03:07 pm
- šodien ņēmu un atkal izdzēsu Facebook, draugiem.lv, twitter, linked-in, google+, flipboard no sava "telefona" - jo tā visa pārbaude no rītiem gultā sāka aizņemt pārāk daudz laika :) yey, tik viegla sajūta uzreiz.
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- roka vakars
- 2/26/12 08:07 pm
- šovakar mani izklaidē:
1. whitesnake
2. guns 'n' roses
3. dzelzs vilks
bija doma skatities zelta talantus, bet augstāk minētās mūzikas klausīšanās dod lielāku baudījumu
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- kas ir ssl?
- 2/25/12 05:55 pm
- Atsaucoties lasītāju vēlmēm, šeku reku uzzīmēju shēmu vienkāršu par to kas ir SSL
Lūdzu.
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- Tims Kuks
- 2/25/12 05:24 pm
- man tikai tā liekas, vai Kuks nolaidīs apple pa kliņķi? Tie paziņojumi, ka "apple ir pārāk daudz naudas", man liekas pilnīgi retardiski un totāli pretēji Jobs funktierim.
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- pateikt gūglei nē!
- 2/25/12 04:56 pm
- pēc pēdējā laika jaunumiem par to, ka vids plāno revidēt klientu kartes, es nebrīnīšos, ja sāks "revidēt" publiskos epastus, ja vien to jau nedara.
vienmēr esmu pieturējies pie principa, ka svarīgas un ar darbu saistītas lietas NEKAD nesūtīt no publiskiem pastiem, vienmēr lietot SSL starpsavienojumus. bet nu, protams, ir bijušas situācijas kad tas pats ģīmeils ir bijis parocīgāks.
bet nu izskatās, ka šai padarīšanai būs jāpieliek patrekns punkts un jāizvāc loriņi nu publiskās kastes. nu jā, es to varu atļauties jo ir savs privātais mākonis..
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- sejgrāmata un draudziņi
- 2/25/12 04:53 pm
- šodien mazliet apātisks noskaņojums. izdomāju parevidēt savas virtuālās mītnes abos populārajos projektos. kaut kā sagribējās izvākt daļu personīgās informācijas atstājot principā pašu minimumu. kaut kā tā sagribējās.
nākamais līmenis būtu atdraugot virkni ar pseido draugiem un neaktīviem cilvēkiem. tādā ziņā guugle pluss ar saviem lokiem ir labāka. draugu/sejgrāmatas vietnēs tādas opcijas īsti nav.
redzkā līst lietus ārā - un es zinu, kāpēc. Es pirms laika jau nosūtīju kosmosam vēlmi izdarīt tā, lai marta sākumā varu braukt ar vasaras riepām. Un, redzkā, viss notiek.
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Current Music: armīns
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- malka
- 2/25/12 01:05 pm
- nevajag kādam kaut ko saskaldīt? gribās kādu koku nocirst. kaut kā tā..
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- treniņi - takewondo
- 2/22/12 09:39 pm
- šodien atsāku pēc aptuveni 1.5g pauzes. tik superīga sajūta - beidzot ķermenim kustība parādījās :) tā jau arī Levi teica, elpojiet labu gaisu, kustieties un ķermenis un prāts būs par to pateicīgi :)
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- enerdžij
- 2/20/12 02:02 pm
- hm. šodien enerģijas pār-pārēm. interesanti. it kā vakar bija dzimenes svinēšana viena, bet nu diezgan civilizēti - līdz kādiem 20:15. atbraucot mājās (ap 21), sapratu, ka gribas atlaisties. So I did. pamodos ap 6am pēc neforša murdziņa. kādu brīdi pārdomāju redzēto, padzēru ūdeni un saņēmos vēl pagulēt. līdz kādiem 11:30 (nu tas jau ir normālais rēžīms)..
jā nu vienvārdsakot, ja aizejot ap 21 gulēt var tik agri dabīgi piecelties.. hmm.. būs jāpaprovē vēl. ā un jā vitamīnus arī sāku dzert pirms aptuveni nedēļas. maybe šiem ar kāda blakne.
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