12. Jūlijs 2017

• 12.7.17 23:44
• Thinking back I feel like I read too many serious books as a kid that influenced me too much. Remember how many years ago I said that I don't message people first? if they contacted me I'll respond, if they wanted to spend time with me I would. And when they stopped seeking my company, i let them. And this particular way of thinking came from a book from which I read about letting people go before you hurt them and letting people go when they want to go. The whole thing was more complicated than that ofc and I read it when i was like in middle school and it affected my thinking greatly. This wasn't some principle or anything i forced myself to do just bcz i read about it, i just felt it made sense and turned into my natural disposition (still is). It was very easy and simple. Now several years ago I reconsidered it. Friendships are a 2 way street, so I put conscious effort to try to change it with 2 certain people. And at this moment what I have concluded is that people only want to talk to you when they have something to discuss and when they want it. How convenient it must have been for them when I was just always there when THEY needed it. Never bothering them other times. : ))) It's no wonder that I feel more lonely now than I ever did before.
  
  It is time I revert back to simple and easy. People just aren't... worth...
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