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dazubrid jutos ka Sartra varoni - stavu mala un skatos uz cilvekiem, kas skraida un uzvedas neizprotami, divaini. Ta it ka ieietu kaut kur sevi, vai tiesi otradi - arpus sevis, kermena. Un pari visam mani mulsina eksaltacijas. par gramatam, par kaut kadu krasu, muziku, kefiru, zekem, suniem, kakiem un da jebko citu. ja sajusma izpauzas spuiegsana un kliegsana, tad man gribas pazust. Sajusma un parsausma, tizlosanas "maksliniekos", tizlosanas no serijas "es esmu tads pats ka ufo un fredis un tada pasa veida runaju un jokoju, bet nesanak, tikai es to pats nemanu, tiaki citi", vai parspilesana. tas mani sadusmo. vispar laiakm tomer esmu loti dusmigs cilveks. ipasi, kad kads parkap pari seta un ienak mana darzina. Sodien draudzene apvainojas. Dzimsanas diena man uzzimeja zimejumu un gribeja pa skaipu nosutit. 6:30 atsutija iszinu, lai eju pie skaipa. it ka mili, bet tobrid mani sadusmoja - bac, tapat jau man dzimsanas diena, vel jacelas, vel jaskrien... ne. paliku gulta. vina gribeja jauki, man negribejas. ir dienas, kad vienkarsi gribas, lai lierk mieru. bet kad gribi, citi parprot un apvainojas. bet man gribas. sodien gribu egoistiski. sev. piedoiet.
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biju pazaudejusi no acim to, kas svarigs, kapec dziedat, kapec lugties, kapec slavet. Vinam Un lai liecinatu par to, kada iespejama dzive. Biezi urkejos pa saviem mesliem, pa sevi, bet jega? vai tur ir jega. but brivam. but brivam no ta visa. tas iespejams tikai tad, kad aizmirstam par sevi un atveramies Dievam. Bridi, kad Tava dzive ir - mili Dievu pari visam lietam un savu tuvako ka sevi pasu, tad uz sirds nav smaguma. ta ir viegla un gaisga ka taurins pavasari. un miesa gandriz netur pie zemes. Ievai smagi. Un sapratu, ka tiesi tadiem gribu dziedat, tiem noskumusajiem un grutsirdigajiem, tiem, kam skietami nav ceribas, kuru saule skiet norietejusi. tiem. un slava Dievam.
Garastāvoklis:: thankful
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1) Mirušus praviešus nomazgājam, ieterpjam plīša kostīmiņos un kolektivi nesam pa pilsētu, priecadamies, metajot ziedus un interpretejam to sacito ta maigak, politkorektak, demokartiskak.
2) Dzivos izolējam no apkartejas vides lidz a) nomirst un sapust. Pecak - skat. p.1. b) iekrit apatija un ir laizami pie citiem, jo neko vairs negrib, jo nav sapnu, idealu un ceribu.
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Christianity has come to the point where we believe that there is no higher aspiration for the human soul than to be nice. We are producing a generation of men and women whose greatest virtue is that they don’t offend anyone. Then we wonder why there is not more passion for Christ. How can we hunger and thirst after righteousness if we have ceased hungering and thirsting altogether?
As C. S. Lewis said, “We castrate the gelding and bid him be fruitful.”
The greatest enemy of holiness is not passion; it is apathy. Look at Jesus. He was no milksop. His life was charged with passion. After he drove the crooks from the temple, “his disciples remembered that it is written: ‘Zeal for your house will consume me’” (John 2:17). This isn’t quite the pictures we have in Sunday school, Jesus with a lamb and a child or two, looking for all the world like Mr. Rogers with a beard. The world’s nicest guy. He was something far more powerful. He was holy.
(J. Eldridge, The Journey of Desire , 53–54)
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