urn:lj:klab.lv:atom1:munjlaitCirmuļa atklāsmesprivātā krematorijaprivātā krematorijatheredguy@one.lvmunjlait2012-01-19T15:57:28Z2012-01-19T15:57:28Zurn:lj:klab.lv:atom1:munjlait:3737112012-01-19T17:43:002012-01-19T17:43:002012-01-19T15:57:28Z2012-01-19T15:57:28Zuznāca dzīves depresija, precīzāk, doma par to, vai vispār ir jēga kaut ko darīt, jo ir pavisam skaidra sajūta, ka nav.<br />kur skatīties padomu šādā dzīves brīdī 21.gs.? protams, internetā.<br />tātad nekādu pārsteigumu - kāds jau šādu jautājumu bija uzdevis answers.yahoo.com. bet kādas atbildes uz to bija dotas! neviena paša saprātīga ieteikuma - padomi robežās no vēl lielākas sevis sagruzīšanas ar loģiku "vai mani vienaudži ir par mani veiksmīgāki/labāki? jā, protams! tad jau jāceļas un jādara kaut kas" līdz pat ierosinājumam iet sazagties veikalā, lai uzdzītu adrenalīnu. labi vēl, ka pašnāvības nerekomendēja. <br />es gribu teikt, ka sabiedrība kopumā ir dziļi neizprotoša attiecībā uz jaunā laikmeta depresiju. jā, to var nosaukt par māžošanos aiz neko darīt, bet tieši tāda ir sabiedrība. milzu daļa pasaules iedzīvotāju strādā jomās, kas ir tikai minimāli saistītas ar fizisko realitāti. tādu abstrakcijas līmeni cilvēka smadzenītei ir grūti nest ikdienā. bez piesaistes fiziskajam abstraktais ļauj cilvēkam justies dīkdienīgam, un visvairāk cilvēkiem, kuru abstraktais darbs ir citu izdomāts, jo radošais process neitralizē depresijas sajūtu. bet arī abstraktais darbs kļūst aizvien relatīvi zemāk apmaksāts, līdz ar to cilvēks strādā garīgu darbu, kas ir neradošs, vienveidīgs un aizņem pārāk ilgu laiku, lai gūtu sevis apliecinājumu ārpus darba.<br />ko es gribēju teikt? ļaujiet man audzēt manus burkānus un lieciet mani mierā! effinsabiedriskāiekārtanodokļiekonomiski<wbr />ecikliceļubedresgulētgribueffin.urn:lj:klab.lv:atom1:munjlait:3733722012-01-06T20:08:002012-01-06T20:08:002012-01-06T18:10:05Z2012-01-06T18:10:05ZI'm just waiting for the right sect to convert me.urn:lj:klab.lv:atom1:munjlait:3730552012-01-05T20:26:002012-01-05T20:26:002012-01-05T18:48:26Z2012-01-05T18:48:26Zcilvēks ir radoša būtne, pat ja bezjēdzīga.<br />ja tā padomā, kamēr stress un darbi pāri galvai, tikmēr nelaimīgs, jo nav brīvā laika laimei; kad ir brīvais laiks, domā par dzīves mērķi, kurš stresā un darbos ir pazudis. ko darīt? rakstīt blogu.again.urn:lj:klab.lv:atom1:munjlait:3728212011-09-12T22:37:002011-09-12T22:37:002011-09-12T19:38:02Z2011-09-12T19:38:02Zresumed the desperate haggling for seconds of sleep in the mornings.<br />it's going to get darker with every day, too.<br />and colder. picking clothes for work will depend on the outside temperature not inside feeling.<br />on more than one occasion stress will win over and I will hope tomorrow just doesn't arrive.<br />there will be days and weeks of scrubbing together my last forces.<br />I will periodically reevaluate my life and career choices and will see them as crazy and worthless.<br />with good luck, the holidays will fall on favourable days this year and I'll get a breather to recollect myself.<br />most likely by the end of November I will utter the words 'f*** this' at least 2x a day.<br />so that's my outlook for the months to come.<br />yippie-kai-yay.urn:lj:klab.lv:atom1:munjlait:3725532011-06-04T10:32:002011-06-04T10:32:002011-06-04T07:34:11Z2011-06-04T07:34:11ZI have every reason to be content with myself :)urn:lj:klab.lv:atom1:munjlait:3724622011-05-29T18:49:002011-05-29T18:49:002011-05-29T15:59:16Z2011-05-29T15:59:16Zvarētu padomāt, ka cilvēks ar laiku iemācās, kuram ko drīkst stāstīt, bet ne. ir cilvēki, kuriem tu vienkārši uzticies, jo pazīsti viņus 'sen', un zināmā situācijā liekas laba doma viņiem atklāti pavēstīt savas domas un izjūtas; bet katru reizi aizmirsti, ka pazīsti viņus arī 'labi', un, kurš ir pļāputaša, tas arī paliek pļāputaša, lai cik tuvs arī nebūtu. tas viss no pašreizējās situācijas, kurā dzīvoju kopā ar māmuļu.<br />liekas, cenšos pateikt, ka es tomēr joprojām jūtu, ka daudz efektīvāk funkcionēju vienatnē - par spīti viedoklim, ka esmu par vecu, lai būtu viens, un man steidzami jādibina dzīvesbiedrība.urn:lj:klab.lv:atom1:munjlait:3720922011-05-28T21:08:002011-05-28T21:08:002011-05-28T18:14:14Z2011-05-28T18:14:14Znupat runāju ar māmuļu, un viņai bija pārsteigums tas, ka es sevi uzskatu par disfunkcionālu sabiedrības locekli tā iemesla dēļ, ka man divdesmit septiņu gadu vecumā nav savas ģimenes. kāds tur, pie velna, pārsteigums.<br />un kā tad ir? vai tad tā nav disfunkcijas pazīme, ka savā mūžā tā arī neesmu spējis nodibināt nevienas attiecības?urn:lj:klab.lv:atom1:munjlait:3717442011-05-20T21:59:002011-05-20T21:59:002011-05-27T19:03:10Z2011-05-27T19:03:10Ztiklīdz es nodomāju, ka zemāk nevaru vairs krist, pienāk nākamā sesija...<br />liekas, studijas mani degradē.urn:lj:klab.lv:atom1:munjlait:3715322011-05-01T23:09:002011-05-01T23:09:002011-05-01T20:11:34Z2011-05-01T20:11:34Zgot only one word for me - ideophilia.the 3D issueurn:lj:klab.lv:atom1:munjlait:3713172011-04-29T23:48:002011-04-29T23:48:002011-04-29T20:50:27Z2011-04-29T20:50:27Zso what's with the 3D movies and the pathological lack of reason in their plot? Avatar was kind of interesting, but not as impressive as they made it sound, plus I wondered and doubted too many things while watching. (a good movie makes you forget everything and believe anything.) Fish and whales are nice to watch while falling asleep, makes it kind of pointless going out of your house. (unless you're going to the movies to sleep off the booze you've had, but then you don't even need any comforting ocean views.) And most other miracles of the modern cinema don't really justify the graphic-designing hours spent on them either, because their screenplay is obviously given less than half an hour to think through.<br />my point is - this is not idiocracy yet! please please pretty please - keep up the idea behind the pretty picture!<br />Megamind - now, there's something for you that's 3D and doesn't suck ass.urn:lj:klab.lv:atom1:munjlait:3711002011-04-16T22:58:002011-04-16T22:58:002011-04-16T20:23:14Z2011-04-16T20:23:14Zdig this:<br />I open google just out of nothing to do, and the first thing I'm tempted to write in the search box is 'help'.<br />also,<br />I'm watching Dexter and actually relating to his problems.<br />also,<br />I'm losing my last respect for deadlines and duties.<br /><br />do I deserve my own TV series or what?urn:lj:klab.lv:atom1:munjlait:3707232011-03-20T23:20:002011-03-20T23:20:002011-03-20T21:23:28Z2011-03-20T21:23:28Zdarbdiena piešķir pamatīgu perspektīvu dzīvei, vismaz attiecībā uz to, kā pavadīt brīvdienas. taču es uzskatu, ka man pietiktu ar vienu perspektīvas dienu uz 30 brīvdienām.<br />tātad, domājot par to, kā varētu pavadīt savu dzīvi, ja man nekas nebūtu jādara, lai nopelnītu naudu - es varētu izlabot visas gramatikas un ortogrāfijas kļūdas savā skaipa sarunu vēsturē.<br />tā ir cita perspektīva - varbūt man tomēr sagribēsies rīt iet uz darbu.urn:lj:klab.lv:atom1:munjlait:3705022011-03-20T21:01:002011-03-20T21:01:002011-03-20T19:17:19Z2011-03-20T19:17:19Zseeing the uncertainty i'm in again, i think there's no place to run to for me. i might dream of serenity i could find somewhere else, but i'll always be like this. another apartment, another city, another profession - never enough. never good enough. i can never be complete. i am insecure of what i do, as i was before, as i will be again, and the truth be told i have no idea how to overcome that. but now i know the answer is not escape, it must be something else. meanwhile, time is ticking away, and i should be quicker if i want to live after all. only the nature does not work that way. i'm slower with every tick.a letter to my one and onlyurn:lj:klab.lv:atom1:munjlait:3702672011-02-26T00:01:002011-02-26T00:01:002011-02-25T22:02:23Z2011-02-25T22:02:23Zmy dearest,<br />i have had no news from you still, but i'm writing to say i'm waiting.<br />don't think that i've done nothing to find you because that would not be true. but i'm still all by myself here. are you there?<br />i keep thinking why we are not together this very moment. were you on that bus i missed two weeks ago at the central station? i thought you might be because it is the most convenient afternoon route out of the center and you probably work there. or were you the fuzzy figure on the bridge that i saw on my way home yesterday? i know you can take great pictures from there, especially in the early winter evenings, and you might want to do photography, it's such a great hobby. you might have been the lawyer i refused to meet because my concerns resolved, or the loud student at the party next door, or the one colleague i never spoke to at my last workplace. how could i have missed you?<br />maybe i should just stand on the busiest street and not move - that way you will have to walk past me one day. or should i travel the world to catch up with you in a rainforest counting monkeys? <br />i'm at a loss here, help me out, will you.<br />love,<br />your one and onlyurn:lj:klab.lv:atom1:munjlait:3701102011-02-08T23:39:002011-02-08T23:39:002011-02-08T21:43:41Z2011-02-08T21:43:41ZKaut kāda iemesla pēc mani tuvie cilvēki ir stāvā pārliecībā, ka es esmu ļoti gudrs, lielisks cilvēks, ar neapšaubāmām izredzēm uzvarēt jebkurā konkurencē un vispār - lai nu ar kuru, bet ar mani viss būs kārtībā. Nezinu, no kurienes viņiem šāds viedoklis.<br />Galvenais, atcerieties, ka lejupielādes vislabāk veikt no Zviedrijas serveriem. Biju galīgi aizmirsis, bet tā tač reiz ir tā vieta, kur var īstenot optiskā kabeļa potenciālu.urn:lj:klab.lv:atom1:munjlait:3698672011-02-03T21:06:002011-02-03T21:06:002011-02-03T19:42:03Z2011-02-03T19:42:03Zatceros, bērnībā domāju par narkomāniem: nīkuļi! lūk, ja es tagad pēkšņi tādā atkarībā būtu, tad es gan viņiem varētu visiem parādīt - lomkas, ha! piece of cake atradināties!<br />tagad saprotu, ka manā domā galvenais vārds bija "pēkšņi", jo atkarība nepiezogas pēkšņi - cilvēks ilgi pierod, un atkarību izraisa ne tikai pašas narkotiskās vielas, bet arī visa dzīve, kurā cilvēks ir iepinies.<br />par šādām lietām vispār nevar spriest, kamēr pats neesi tajā stāvoklī bijis, kurā nav starpības, vai tava atlikusī dzīve ilgs vienu sekundi vai četrdesmit gadus, kurā neko nav jēgas sākt, jo nekam nav redzamas beigas, kurā ikdiena ir ļaunāka par abstinenci. un ja nav mērķa sajūtas un noderīguma sajūtas, tad kāpēc atbrīvoties no atkarības.urn:lj:klab.lv:atom1:munjlait:3696522011-01-30T01:02:002011-01-30T01:02:002011-01-29T23:03:23Z2011-01-29T23:03:23Zpēdējā laikā nākas pierast pie tā, ka stāstus izdomāju sev pats - es zinu, ko gribu izlasīt, tikai neviens cits to nav uzrakstījis.urn:lj:klab.lv:atom1:munjlait:3694042011-01-15T11:06:002011-01-15T11:06:002011-01-15T09:06:54Z2011-01-15T09:06:54Zman ir tik daudz darba, ka vienkārši roka neceļas neko darīt :)urn:lj:klab.lv:atom1:munjlait:3690692011-01-15T10:34:002011-01-15T10:34:002011-01-15T08:35:13Z2011-01-15T08:35:13Zlove your people. failing to do that is failing the greatest exam of your life.urn:lj:klab.lv:atom1:munjlait:3686742011-01-07T20:16:002011-01-07T20:16:002011-01-07T18:20:00Z2011-01-07T18:20:00Zuznāca raudiens šodien - vienkārši brēkt gribējās, un to arī darīju.<br />kāds es stulbs neradījums, nekam nederu, nevienam mani nevajag, tie, kas pazīst, droši vien nožēlo, ka jebkad mani satikuši, nekas no manis arī neiznāks, vispār labāk būtu bijis, ja manis nebūtu, man vajadzētu mirt vai vislabāk izčibēt, tā ka neviens mani pat neatcerētos.<br />laikam ziema iekodusi.urn:lj:klab.lv:atom1:munjlait:3684492010-12-26T22:39:002010-12-26T22:39:002010-12-26T20:55:06Z2010-12-26T20:55:06Zit's funny how the opinions of other people can influence us.<br />an opinion of someone close to me has made me question my way. all my life I've believed that one should never live to prove something to others, and yet I am so easily swayed? is it love driving me away from my self, or my demons resurrected at the wim of an imagination left to its own devices?urn:lj:klab.lv:atom1:munjlait:3681402010-12-12T23:14:002010-12-12T23:14:002010-12-12T21:18:18Z2010-12-12T21:18:18Zthe less I look at life as a sequence of terminal and fatal things, the more I want to live, and the other way around. it seems I exist to counter human nature. so much for goals and objectives.urn:lj:klab.lv:atom1:munjlait:3680852010-12-12T22:01:002010-12-12T22:01:002010-12-12T20:06:27Z2010-12-12T20:06:27Zuzliku datora ekrāna fonā zaļas sūnas - bilde tik laba izdevusies, ka nevar acis fokusēt, uz to skatoties.<br />tas tā, apcerot faktu, ka nupat nokavēju mājasdarba nodošanas termiņu, vēl virkni citu man būs izdevība nokavēt nākamnedēļ, un prakse arī vēl nav atrasta.<br />cheers.urn:lj:klab.lv:atom1:munjlait:3677972010-11-27T15:44:002010-11-27T15:44:002010-11-27T13:46:52Z2010-11-27T13:46:52Zisn't it amazing that despite our low and mean nature and our disturbing natural needs and wants we are still capable of coherent thought? whereas the animals, which are surely less revolting in so many ways, obviously have so much less capacity for inventiveness and creation. therefore, I recon, if only man is capable of evil, then it is our superior mind that is evil. and the next time you have a great idea or a deep thought remember that - you are evil.urn:lj:klab.lv:atom1:munjlait:3673852010-11-14T12:05:002010-11-14T12:05:002010-11-14T10:10:56Z2010-11-14T10:10:56Zso anyway, it's a large party and I'm having my drink in a corner, and then Justin Timberlake comes up to me and we start chatting, and I'm joking and stuff, and then I think: wtf, why am I trying to impress him, huh?, and then the fridge rolls across the room over to the subwoofer and they tango for a good while before I realize it's 8am and wake up.<br />yeah, that about sums it up.