| 10. Apr 2006 12:45 The cataleptic condition won't leave me.
I walk around, talk to people, do my job in a half-asleep state of mind. As if there were no more goals to go for. Nothing more to find. I'm starting to think: could this really be the end?
It is well known that people reach the end of their lives at proportionally different times. One would think, when the purpose is fulfilled, the function is cancelled. Should I cancel myself now?
After all, it is so unfair - I live, am perfectly all right, all chances to enjoy life and living. But do I? No. So, respectively, there are so many people who starve for living and would find enjoyment where I see boredom, people who would tell me straight into my face: what have you to complain about? There's nothing wrong with you or your life! People who are starving, being killed, affronted unfairly by others etc. etc. etc. Why not let them enjoy life? And I'm not first to say this, but - I don't want to die, I want not to be. It seems somewhat unfair to me that I am.
Oh well. I suppose it is most human to feel like I do.
If I should believe there's no smoke without fire, then most religions have it right about all of us having a purpose to be here. And if so, then I have a purpose to fulfil.
But help me see it because I don't. ir doma |
