MIRROR MIND

Truth can only be known by experience, not by beliefs or thoughts as Master Jesus said "And you will know the Truth and the Truth will set you free," and in light of this, the most important question is "What are you going to do to experience the Truth, now?"

Nothing Changes Until You Get Moving towards Unconditional Love!

By linking your heart to the source of Father God and to the heart center of Mother Earth allows you to draw the spiritual energies of God source and Earth together to manifest a high frequency unconditional love healing energy that uplifts the human body and etheric bodies into a state of receptivity for spiritual ascension, healing and rejuvenation.

You ask what you can do? Easy – leave your mind and your constant thoughts and return to your heart. Inside your heart is a tiny place where all knowledge and wisdom resides. Whatever you need on all levels of your existence is there for you.

And, in the human and earthly changes that we are surrounded by, and the incredible changes that are about to permeate our everyday lives, if you are living in your heart, Mother Earth will take care of you with her soft magical love, the same magical love that created this entire physical planet in the first place.

Remember who you really are, trust yourself, and open your eyes to the new beauty of a new Earth unfolding before you as we breathe. Peer past the darkness and destruction of the ending of this old male cycle. Do not look into Kali's eyes. But put your attention on the budding life and light in the center of the vortex.

Like a seed, your future is only beginning to emerge out of the darkness, but someday you will look back and realize that all the fear and distress was only a dream created from the confusion of the ending of one cycle and the beginning of another. Death and life are part of the same cycle.

Now, look into the Light and breathe deeply the joy of life. Eternal Life without suffering was yours all along. Never were you ever separated from the Source. Live your life withour fear. Live your life with open eyes and an open heart from the jewel within your heart, and you will extend yourself into the next 13,000 years here on Earth and far, far beyond.

I love to watch events. I love to get to the bottom of every tiny and seemingly unimportant detail just to categorize everything and unveil the reason behind every action, understand the logic behind the scenes, see the direction of consequence of every action, and then indulge in trying to follow the probability ripples as they speed away from the choices made and actions taken. this game is unbelievably simple if one has the ability to look at oneself without self-deception and wishful lies. rational logic is the only thing neccessary to see the cause and effect of everything.

and by saying everything, I really only mean the things that I have the data for - most often than not these are trivial things that have no value at first glimpse, however they might be of use in other greater logical equations; at other times I find myself categorizing almost impossible concepts, yet they are very real if you have the right data to approach them. that is the beauty of this game - one can entertain anything, introduce any data to the equation, and everything changes according to logic, dropping into the right places. it is like an unbelievably flexible puzzle with infinite number of pieces, which should suggest that it is not truly solvable.

reminds me of the Way of the Logos.

without any fear we kiss each other's eyes
as if in pain, we breathe in darkness, spent
remember her, she is the light of dawn
reflected here, inside the dream we shared

-- trying to understand iambic pentameter

I am on the verge of sleep when her hands seek me out through the darkness, slowly and with a certain reliance. I can feel her breath - this time it is different, louder and more vibrant. she tears me up at the base of spine, her nails digging deep in my skin, she puts real effort in the motion. pain flashes through my body and I forcefully exhale this intense buildup. she thrusts her hand again and I suddenly embrace her in my painful agony of pleasure. my lips seek out her lips and we entangle even more. another thrust, a wave of discharge in my nerves, so intense that it almost resembles an orgasm. she keeps on molesting my skin, as our embrace deepens and our kiss gains momentum. eloquence in her movements. extasy in mine. but no confluence, we are just two people playing, just beautiful people doing whatever we want. simplicity.

The idea was very simple, but there was no simple way to explain it. I just let all the chaotic images and ideas flow through me in a long monologue, I let myself do the talking as I sat back and tried to enjoy my own show. The complexity was in the need to make her forget what she believed in, so this idea would appear in front of her.

I could not do it, something had already found its way in and grown roots in her; it had enveloped all of the outer sphere of her consciousness, shaping all the ideas that wanted to settle down in her mind. I felt sadness, it enveloped me gradually as the water in my bath was getting colder. This time I really did not know if the emotion was mine or it belonged to her. I did not care, I wanted it gone.

Never felt so old. It is a strange thing to teach multiple people. You start to compare them, contrast them against each other in a hope to find some collective truth that would apply to them all. But you can not. Never felt so cold.

Today the weather is the dominant thing in my perception. Heavy and gray, wet and unpleasant. Clouds in my mind. I long for something warm.

I met her again tonight for the second time. she seemed older than a couple of nights ago. her hair was shorter, she was taller and more lean and feline. but it was her, unmistakeably. and she knew who I was, she had seen me too.

everything about her was too sensual and vivid for her to be an artifact of my subconscious, as if she was a projection herself, but I will never know for sure, though.

nevertheless, the moment we touched hands it was as if thunder struck us. our hands melted together and then the rest of our bodies. we merged into one being and then separated again. from this point on we could anticipate each other's slightest movement, slightest breath. forever connected now. we made love then, right there on the ground. for a while it was ground, then it was a room. we floated, because I never felt the ground or the bed touch me. she wore red underwear.

fulfillment. unattainable in this dimension of consciousness.

it is a warm, cloudy evening, almost twilight. a slow wind caresses my skin like a warm wave as we walk the dirty streets of this city. this time there is something more in your astral touch, as if it was an embrace this time. a strong bond, mixed with a tiny bit of pity and joy of presence. this time I can almost touch our friendship physically. I feel loved.

I had forgotten how pretty you can be. I always looked at you and saw how old your eyes were, but today they seem to sparkle and all your body suddenly seems so much prettier. a strong bond, mixed with a tiny bit of promise and shameless arousal. I set this feeling free within myself and rejoice for a moment about its carnal simplicity. some ardent images come to my mind but I wave them away from my mental plane quickly.

you are here the day I wanted this most. I may seem cold often, but I don't think I can find the words for saying how much this presence means to me. it cleans me in some way, purifies me, lets the light in.

I bet this is what love should feel like. I bet this IS love in some strangely sensual way.

and morning comes again. there are shades of dark blue outside my window now, and it seems like it was back then. back then in any of those times, any of those girls, any of those myriad feelings. only this time there are no feelings, this time there are no girls. just the one who doesn't care, just the one who loves me so much, just the one who is an ultimate paradox. just the one. just the one I thought could be the one. but she is not.

and the summer is coming. it is rising behind my window like a wave of light. and I hide from it, I sleep during the day and walk in different worlds at night. my summer, the only thing that ever mattered to me, the only thing that ever gave me the hit, it has become just a light outside my window. and light hurts my eyes now.

all I want now is to lie down and smoke some weed. smoke myself out of my mind and into somewhere else. I don't want to be here. I want to ride the waves.

last night in the darkness I saw
your faces illuminated
as you tried to take what was mine

this game seems so foolish
without proper emotions

only the rage is ever-present now
as I take you all by hand and lead deeper
into the midnight of my own fears

the weaker seem to be the stronger now,
as we descend, for they fall behind
and so this darkness won't touch them

those who remain by now are ablaze in the heat
their spines shining in the twilight of morning
as I make them obey and feed me with lust

all of their feelings flowing through me
as I watch the morning sun rise -
there never was a thing more beautiful to my senses

but my rage holds the white tide at bay
the need for revenge is almost suffocating
in this heat of your ugly bodies

I open myself to the horrors of your built-up being
and I drink from the pool, red colour flowing
until I bleed you dry and you tire

you disgust me, my friends, I could almost say I hate you
but my rage is now gone and feel at ease
this aftermath
this is the only real drug

we lie content
there, on our backs
watching the glow of early summer above us

the window
above, in the roof

you are here, within my reach
breathing

so silently the shades are moving
behind the glass
their motion so hypnotic

I wish tu run away

I wish to run
down and inside this found-again feeling of freedom
as your breathing turns to moans in my ear
I wish to fly
up and yonder to the deep places of thy darkened mind
as you ride the thousand storms that rave in my chest

like a ship with no sails in a storm
I am tugged between your layers of nightmares
a vertigo of time, stretching out in my consciousness
like a dark wave, like a blast,
a realisation
that I am, in fact, alone

empty is the idea to fill myself with joy
nothing dares to attach to me as your free spirit has done
I care not if the storm breaks it, and blows it away

but still, I am here,
under you
as it all decelerates
and translates
to normal

do you ever think
of how this all should be?

can you imagine
the way I touch your heart
with nothing but a smiling face
and rend your strings of abstinence

now, right now and never again
we lay there in a heaving midnight fever
as desire runs in our breath and in our blood
waging war against our souls

how I would like to torture you with fire
until you burn out in pleasure
and give in

have you ever got past my gaze and seen what things I crave?
can you hold my burning hand
and smile in pain?

I remember this night
so innocently clean and winter-white
the night you came to me blazing
dressed in nothing but your colour

I will not forget you, northern star
as I lay with fire in my hands and my heart
my mirror mind creeping inside her head
to make her at ease with our sins

can you make me forget the time as it flows?
can you undo the damage that I am to myself?

nothing will change what I seek

can you feel the hover of thought around
as we forget we were human
rending each other with claws and teeth we writhe in orgasmic agony
like wild cats we play, safe in the knowledge we do not exist

can you make that last?
can you make me stop seeking?
can you make me stop changing?

colder visitors breaking my cycle
bringing pain from coldness across the sea
trapped in this heaving midnight of winter
with them waiting outside my door
how am I to fool myself now?

I used to live in a liquid noon, so clean and unspoiled
free from darkness of affection
and bias of care
what now remains of those wondrous enlightened castles?

it all comes back to me now, like the dark hand of fate
and no one is to blame
whatever roads I chose - all was in vain

yes, I can drive out those creatures of pain
now their mindless darkness bends to my will
yet there is no relief
they still get under my skin and leave their footprints within

how am I to fool myself now? I am falling now!
now! right now
falling deep in the pit of my pointess penitence
it will consume me, obliterate the guilt for random misdoings
and my other face will emerge once again
how am I to fool myself now?
how am I to restrain?

lying on our backs between the strokes of night
a slow start turning us on
under warm blankets where sins are set loose
a warm and hungry touch, a bit shaking, screaming for more
it explodes within my core, blinds me, makes me forget
under layers of our desire I am forced to obey
but today I am not afraid...
I have been here already, I know how it feels
but tonight there is a different love-

my hands dont shake today, they just greed all they can
build up, push inside and then take it from you
as if gathering the scent from the warmth of your skin
so smooth and dark, your bare throat made to bite,
the long lithe arms and hands hotter than fire
just not to hesitate now, it was us who started it
I'm giving you all the poison you need
to let go, to want this

the air stirs as we embrace, it tingles so much...
I can feel him through you, riding down your breath
harsh and brutal, but afraid,
kneel down, fair love, and fill yourself with tears
we lost you somewhere on the way home
our malign darkness took your place for good
sin sweet beyond forgiving
and brief beyond regret

here now in my triumph where all things falter,
stretched out on the spoils that my own hand spread,
as a god self-slain on my own strange altar
I lie content...

this is it
the dusky edge of the world
where all the senses haywire
the point of almost no return
the desperation growing in mind
insecurity, obsession, deprivation
there is too much to tell
there is too much to think, there is no place in the head

all wet, eyes closed, he walks the grey pavement
without intent, without a goal, he only feels
he feels how hard the rain hits against the immovable dirt
he feels the sleeping warmth beneath his feet
as if forged in heat of setting suns,
it sleeps and waits to explode
he only needs the intent, he only needs the wish
but it won't come, 'cause he doesn't want to go on

already spent under this shitload of thoughts,
eyes open wide, he reads tomes of dark knowledge
all is too soft for him now, he wants to know more
his foolishness drives him into darkness of chaos
promising him all the world to his feet
as if it could save him from the pit of his own demise
it is inevitable, he will fall to it, and be consumed

in the dark of the night he touches her with fire
he betrays the girl with his smile and his eyes
and slowly kills with indifference to her fate
in cold blood he watches the pain and confusion
immovable silence as her life slowly burns out

he feels lost in his ways he feels almost betrayed,
he yearns for revenge but he doesn't know who is to blame
he feels he is alone, although he is still a shining star,
ominous idol of some kind
he feels tired and angry, hurt and obsessed, all he wants is some peace
but when he settles down to go inside himself, he feels
he doesn't want to go in, he wants to pour out, run away from himself
he wants others to suffer, but he doesn't know why

when he tries to understand his mind starts to hurt
he is trapped in the fortress of his many faces,
ho doesn't know who he is
all he gets is tired looks and some care out of politeness
no one is out there for him
just moaning about him having bad mood again
he has to get over it, like everyone does
but he doesn't want to fucking get over!
he wants to understand, he wants the world to roll his way
he knows he can make the world do it
but he is just mocked
a pretentious fool he is, but he doesn't want to believe it
always so insecure, but so self-assured
an abomination of some kind...

anger burning in him
he doesn't understand

now, how did he lose his guide
how did he fall...?

the soul is forever
unstoppable in the everlasting arms
of my own weird Jesus, whispering in my ear
always complaining about my wings being broken
and so soft to the weak minds,
I know it will be lasting forever -
this is your pledge to the earth's grave

forever and day is ours, my whispering angel
at times your eyes resolve my heart's disguise
the mask for thousand lies and thousand truths
without interruption the winds are constantly changing
always everlasting in my head, your words cut too deep
my eternal soul immortal
in this mirror-mind

loud cry somewhere above those winds, a flash of light
covering her footsteps with darkness,
as if there was a deadly sin to hide
abiding ageless soul, forever beyond death
permanent link to my will that the soul has not
she walks as a goddess within her own countless worlds

on day I will find infinity, i will bring it here by your command
between thousand mirrors to create a rift
your worlds will walk this earth one day
with it's strange inhabitants gone wild
we will have our piece of justice,
we will make this world fall...

just don't think to leave me now
after all those whispers you managed to pull
you're trapped inside me forever
crying my name in vain -
it's the purest form of pain

I am coming towards it slowly, edging its borders like darkness
in moonlight a distant car's headlights cut into a room,
tilting the shapes of desk and bookshelf, making everything cast long shadows.
I am coming towards it the way some people come upon old age
or a friend's illness: with great sweetness, with great fear and tenderness
I am coming towards my greatness like a fool,
like an animal, snatching at its foes with great fear, with hunger and love of blood.
I am coming towards it the way the trickster stands in a crowded room,
abusing himself with his false accomplishments,
insulting the world with his indifference to his failure.
I am coming towards my greatness. I'm coming towards it
like a mountain, like a hall, like a fountain.
these waves are marble here - they move in perfect, immoveable silences,
cooling me with their stone fires.
I am working at my greatness. I am fighting it, despising it,
I am actively destroying my greatness
out of shame and feminine evil.
I am stuffing it deep into photographs and mirrors as if it could reside there,
as if it could keep me honest or pure, though it must alter and die,
it must take me with it...
I am coming towards my greatness.
I am stumbling towards it, dancing, staggering.
I am turning black inside with greatness - I am not gilded by it, nor I am blessed.
I bear it, quietly, like a cart taking a load of children into the woods.
I will not be infested by it, made pregnant with it, vilified.
I won't carry it in my heart or chest but in all the little cells of the body,
shedding and multiplying, leaving me nothing to trust to but the security of repetition.
I am coming towards my greatness.
It will not tug me like the weather over a planet's skin
Small things will still undo me, hatred will light me up every day,
I will not conquer my enemies nor suddenly be in league with my heroes.
If anything, greatness will make me smaller, more alone,
living in a place only imagination can name, where even empathy swells and dies.
I dream it is the face of fear, I dream it is the face of love
Even now, she moves out there in the silk night, ambitions tucked into her dark pockets,
hating and loving me both, reading down her list of names
with her blind and unforgiving eye...

I am not asking to suffer less,
I hope to be nearly crucified –
to live because I don't want to

that hope, that sweet agent
my best work is its work,
the horse I ride into Hell is my best horse
and he bears its name,
so, friends, pass your life and talk away without care,
thank you for leaving me this whole world to go mad in

I am not asking for mercy, I am asking for more!!!
I won't die if no mercy comes
or if it comes in the form of my mad self
running at me...

this is the sky where it meets the water's surface
this is the wet ridge of it,
the line between life and the other world

this is the glow of ember's light rising
against the glorious night-skies
this is a ring of large stones,
and in the air is the smell of incense burning

this is my blood on your breast and your lips
this is your wild nature, baby
this is our doom

this is the sound, still aching in silence
passing through narrow tunnels of mind, opening eyes
this is the moment of confluence,
gathering arms, embracing each other
without being aware

and the sweet imperfection of you
this is melody, harmony, silence

the great wings of dreams along with
the long fingers of a wanton life
from the ends of a twisted highway
pull at us with the perfume of the streets
and its myriad romances
all intoxicating, gripping at our skins

as headblasts of late-night drinks
the taste of a woman's wet neck in a dark alley or room,
and the explosion of passions and desires in your head
like flashy and loud bottles against a flat cinder-block wall

this tingling feeling in stomach...

free us from the normal world
while chaining us to this warped cement walks
of our diminished existence

I run with you inside of me
entering layers of darkness into the swaddling of night
with accelerating thoughts
in the velocity of the city's emotions
constantly moving, but inside standing still
searching for words to cut through the screams inside my ears
the pain of neglect and addictions running with your voice in my throat,
you, calling out my name,
searching for refuge while I searched for mine,
on your earth of many souls and many gods,
craving the moon,
the lunacy, vastness and warmth
of these powerful rocks now covered in mud

what regrets and longings must we bear?
what clutch of inner fears forces our hand?
what frenzy knocks on our door
and then when we open it, darkness is swept in?
do we need more laws but less humanity?
more punishment and less redemption?
fear drives us from being human
it's time to understand, go open-eyed into ourselves,
into our deepest fears, inside our underground domains,
into the futureless future, and then rise up
the time of sleeping is over...
the falling is so forceful
a gravity of soul to the bottom
the motion downward takes in reams of unwritten poetry,
paintings with no canvas, notes without melodies
as a young boy, I wanted somebody to stop me,
to stop me from crumpling into the decay surrounding me
who can now tell how grown-up am I?
who can now tell how deep inside have I been?
I have no point of countdown...

collapse into yourself
fold into the pages of your journals
into the chords in your head, into what your heart sees
every other choice has death in it,
so choosing your death seems empowering, doesn't it?
but art is about creativity,
new breath and new birth...
the only empowering course that echoes,
that ripples, that takes on new shapes as it goes outward
out, up and away not down — as escape to the rest of us
it took me a while, but I learned to fall and then rise...