Garastāvoklis:	numb
Mūzika:	lovin' you by minnie riperton

frustration
l'oiseau

my whole life i have been sharing what's on my mind with friends and family. i have never been silent about my struggles and problems, yet i always feel like it's never enough. no matter how much i talk, there's always more. hence this blog. and twitter as well, and sometimes even facebook. i just feel like there's so many things in my head and i have to get them out somewhere. i wonder if i am just an oversharer? like, why can't i just shut up and keep at least some stuff to myself? i just want to share, share, share. although i have to say, i have no problems with listening to others, in fact, i am quite keen on what they have to say and what is going on in their lives, it's just that i also have so much to share that some of it ends up on here and other platforms, sometimes because i don't want to bother anyone. i know i am generally not a burden, but i also know it can get exhausting listening to someone's thoughts and problems all the time.
yesterday i went to a lecture about shearwaters (a type of sea bird), and it was just so fascinating. it makes me so sad that i have so many interests i would like to pursue - philosophy, psychology, mythology, theatre, literature, linguistics, cinema, languages, culture studies, i also quite like animals and thus, zoology, space is very cool as well (astronomy), and this isn't even the end of the list-, yet i cannot even make myself focus on one of them. i am going through a mild/moderate depressive episode again (i think), meaning i can't find joy in anything and can't make myself do things i usually enjoy. this life is already too short to do everything we want, and yet here i am, unable to do anything useful. god, i hate depression. i know it will get better in a bit, but when you're actually experiencing a low point, it feels like you just won't be able to get out of it. the worst one lately was about a month ago, when i started to consider dropping out of uni. thankfully i got my shit together, and it's not that bad now, but i just don't know. i feel myself wanting to isolate from everyone completely (which usually happens when i am already feeling quite lonely). i haven't spoken to anyone in real life in almost a week (i do call my family and friends every day), and honestly i just wish it could stay like this. i am enjoying the solitude too much. i know it's not healthy for me in the long run, because i will inevitably want to enter hermit mode and not see or speak to anyone at all. have to find some sort of balance. haven't seen either of the two crushes i have in about two weeks, and it's the same thing as usual - the longer i don't see someone i have a crush on, the less i care about them. oh, but it will all come crushing down when i will inevitably see them next week or the week after that. fun times.