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@ 2019-11-08 19:24:00

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Garastāvoklis: exhausted
Mūzika:accidentally in love by counting crows


today has been somewhat better than yesterday i guess. i just feel so tired. i slept for at least 10 hours i think but i am already exhausted. i could not bring myself to write the assignment today so i just did a bunch of cleaning, laundry and went to the store to get food for next week. overall i feel pretty accomplished, but the assignment is bothering me so much... right now i feel like taking a nap. i had some black tea a while ago but it did not make me feel more awake, in fact i feel more tired with each minute. i still feel like shutting everyone out of my life. today i have spoken only to my mum. have not texted anyone or received any texts (almost). at least this time instead of procrastinating on some bullshit i actually did housework which i would have had to do at some point during the weekend anyway. since it is done it means that tomorrow and sunday are going to be studying days. which i do not want to think about at all. i wish i could just go to sleep now and sleep for at least 12 hours. in theory, i can, but it might totally mess up my already nonexistent sleep schedule. i might try to hold out for a bit and then actually go to bed and try to wake up at 6 am or something. i really want this assignment bullshit to be over with. funniest thing is that it seems like no one else has work to do, they are all just chilling and shit. maybe they are going to pull all nighters just before the deadline, i do not know. i want to be completely independent. these last few days i have felt like i depend on other people too much, and i hate this feeling. maybe that is another reason why i want to isolate myself from everyone. i will try to become a bit healthier, as in stop buying snacks i do not need. today i bought a big pack of popcorn and two packs of cookies. i really like to snack at some point during the day, but i have to limit it. everything feels so calm, i think it is raining outside. it is so quiet. i cannot wait to go to sleep. it is the only time i can escape this existence bullshit. i will be so happy on monday, when both my assignments are done. my birthday is coming up. i miss ross. wish i was more interesting. but i am just a first year undergraduate, whilst he is a first year phd student. he is at least 10 years older than me. he would be such a good friend...i can just feel it. i guess it is not destined to happen. maybe someone even better is on the way. or maybe i have them already. think i will go now.

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